Never Forever

The Pathetic Tear

Hoseok rolled his eyes.

"Stop playing with me, Jagi. You know you're not going anywhere." His arms wrapped around me and I pushed him away as I shook my head.
"No. Actually, you're wrong.." his eyes were glued to my head. I could feel them burning. "I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? To go where?"
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because I want to know! I want to know how long you'll be out there and if you'll be safe and if I can come see you.."
I paused and unlocked my door before turning around and sighing. "You know how I told you that you couldn't text me because phone was off?" He was scared but curious of the answer. "Well I actually changed it. Goodnight."

I tried to slam the door shut, but he blocked it and came in. Of course, I wasn't about to let him in without a fight. So I put all of my bodyweight onto the door and kept my feet against the wall for stability. He eventually came in and I tried to run but he caught me and pinned me to the wall.

"Why would you do this?"
"What do you mean, why? I told you!"
"No!" He hit the wall and let his grip tighten on my wrist before letting go and trying to make us hold hands. Of course though, I snatched my hand away and he just got closer to me. I tilted my head to the side, catching a glimpse of open door but he pulled my head back. I tried pushing him away when his lips met mine but he wouldn't let go until I calmed down.

"Go.." his head rested gently on mine as he held the side of my face. "Go close the door and get out. Now."

Slowly, he stood up straight and went towards the door. I didn't watch him go. I refused to. But when I heard the door close, I let sighed and let my guard down.

It was finally over.

Or so I thought..

Just as I was letting my tears fall while packing the last of everything, I felt someone grab me and hold me tightly. Not allowing me to fight back or move. But I knew who it was by the faint smell and when they kissed me.

"Hoseok! I told you to go away!" I cried through my headache. But as I said that, I realized that I wasn't hearing just my tears. They were his as well.
"I'll wait for you. Always."
"Well I won't wait for you."
"It's okay. I'll always be right here when you come back."
"Well don't. Because if I do come back, I'm certainly not coming back for you."
"Shhhhhh. Don't hurt me, baby. I know you'll miss me too."
"Shut up and leave. Take all of your stuff with you too." By that, I meant everything he had ever given me.
"No."
"Yes, take it. It's already on the kitchen table."
"No,"
"Why not?"
"Because I still have one more gift to give." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box and placed it in my hands before kissing me. "I wanted to keep my promise to you. But I guess it all depends on if you keep your promise to me." And then he left..

I debated on opening the box or not to see if I was what I thought it was or just a pair of earnings or a necklace. I was hoping that it wasn't what I thought it was.
I set the box down and began hauling my stuff down the stairs. Well actually, I was letting the suitcases roll down the stairs and I'd rearrange them later. Now, 'magically', my suitcases ended up lined up in the livingroom. I soon came to realize that tonight, he wasn't leaving. But I also knew that he wouldn't bother me that much.

So, I still decided to set the record straight on the whole 'moving out of the country' thing and the stuff that he has given me when I saw his head down in the kitchen. "You know, I'm not taking any of that.. with me when I move to P-. Another country.." Wanting to say 'junk' but not being able to also made way for me to almost say Puerto Rico, which is where I will be studying Spanish for a while. And I know that Puerto Rico is not technically out of the country since its US Territory, but at the same time, for some reason, we still call all the people there who do not have their US Citizenship Certificates, Aliens..

But I especially don't want him to know about where I'm going because I know that he would try and see me. But I don't want that happening. I really want him to move on from me because I've always felt no good for him.. He refuses to see it and that's why I have to go.

"What country?"
"None of your business."
"Just know that I'll be waiting for you when you come back.."
Bitterly and forcfully, I said, "Whatever. Don't waste your time on me."
"I'm not wasting my time if it's for you."
"Yes you are! Don't you know that I'm just a big mistake?"
"You're not a mistake."
"Your mother doesn't like me!"
"Yes she does."
"Your sister doesn't like me!"
"Fuck her."
"And even your nephew doesn't like me! I don't wanna marry into that! I don't want to marry your side of the family because your mother reminds me of MY MOTHER!"
"YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THEM!"
I became silent. "It's all just about you and me! You and me.." He walked over to me. His big puffy eyes and all. "I don't care about anyone else in the world right now. I just want you." He put his forehead against mine as he held one hand as the other touched my face on the left side.

"Well, you can't have me. Which is why I won't have to deal with them anymore or their presumptuous threats or what they think I am and what I should do.. The couch is open. I'm taking a bath. Goodnight."

The only thing is
is that it didn't happen like this at all like I wanted it to..