Never Forever

The Truth: Unveiled

·Leona·

"Hey. What's wrong?" I dismissed the voice going off in my ear. I really wasn't in a mood for talking. I already knew what he was going to say and I really didn't want to hear it..

Ignoring him, I was interrupted in my walk towards my room when his frame blocked my path. "Hey! Why are you ignoring me?"
"Leave me alone, Jun." I said, failing in my attempt to walk past him.
"Is it something I did?" I just rolled my eyes. His hands immediately took hold of me, one on each side, locking me in place. "Look up at me." I didn't budge. Just sighed in annoyance. "Leona you can be annoyed with me all you want, but just remember two things at the end of the day:

I Love You

And you cannot avoid me."

I stayed silent which aggravated him a bit. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." I shook my head. "What? Leona what? Use your words."
"Move."
"What?" My eyes stabbed his as I looked up at him.
"You're in my way." My expression hardened. "Move."
"No. You are going to tell me what's wrong."
"No, actually, I'm not."
"Oh really?" His voice became more tense.
"Yes! Really!" My blood boiling, I was ready to throw whatever verbal punches I had to him.
"You think you're the boss, don't you?"
"Do I think I'm the boss? Hell no I don't think I'm the fucking-!"
"Stop cussing!"
"This is my mouth! I can say whatever the hell I want! Especially since it's my house!"

"Oh really?"
"Yes!"
"So that's how it is now?"
"Its always been like this, Jun. Or should I say Jooheon? Maybe you'll listen better if I use that name instead of the stupid pet name I came up with for you!"
"I am listening! You're the one who's refusing to talk!"
"Because maybe I don't fucking wanna talk!" You weak ass bitch.. "Especially not to you.."

You're crying..

Wiping away my tears, I hardened my heart towards him. My eyes were cutting daggers. "Move."
"Leona.."
"Move Jooheon!" He stepped aside and I stormed up the stairs to my room.
"Leona!" I wanted to ignore him, but my feet stopped walking. "I Love You.." I bit my lip before continuing the rain in my room.

There, I cried until I couldn't breathe. Face puffy, nostrils plugged, eyes foggy, throat burning and ears clogged. The worst case scenario was now here and there was no sense in fighting it off.

What I had been holding in for years all came out within a few hours. All of my confused feelings, my hate, my love and regret. Everything I've ever felt about Hoseok, I just let go.

The new world I was entering felt as if someone had pushed me off of a cliff, and at the last moment, I turned around to see me..

I thrusted myself into a reality that was fated to come. Whether or not that meant someone else was coming into the picture. But everything is solid now.

There's no more confusion.
No more hope.
No more reason to hate.
No reason to envy.

Just forgiveness..

The memory came back to me clear as day of what he did to me all those years ago. I remember when it was just us in that room. Mindless teenagers about to reach our twenties when it had happened. Both in a study room reading..

I could feel his lips against mine again, just like old times..

It's okay to remember..

I remember the feeling of his hands pulling me closer to him.

It's how you forget..

The familiar feeling of his frame towering over me that set off all of my internal alarms..

My eyes began to water with the pain of remembrance.

His face burried too deep in my neck as I kept telling him to get off me. I was too weak and too afraid to push him off. It had all happened so fast.

I had never felt so dirty or low in my life since the first time it had happened to me.

I felt so helpless and thought he might go all the way until I screamed at him that if he continued, he'd be raping me.

Shaking and confused as to why someone who loves me would do this, it took some time before I took him back. Though it was never quite the same.

I couldn't let him touch me because I would feel so disgusted with him and myself. I would feel like a lowly whore when he would touch me in any kind of way. I felt guilty for not being the girlfriend I wanted to be to him. I wanted to be able to forget about what happened that day. To play the fool and be his forever; but I never could get over that painful memory.

And so, I made up my mind. On the night of his graduation, I would tell him.

I knew that his obsession was unhealthy and that I should've never gotten back together with him anyway.

But I was in love. I thought that if I loved him, I could get over it.

But it only ate me alive.

So I left him and everything behind with him.

The house,
The pictures,
His ways of contact
And the ring..

~

Pretty soon, Jun came in and bear hugged me. I couldn't stop crying. Jun had always been there for me since we first met. I told him a long time ago of what happened and he's hated Hoseok ever since.

The universe has been telling me to let go for years..

I wish I had listened sooner.