Never Forever

What I Must Do

Fast forward
Junior year

~

I find myself being very attached to him. Our little rendezvous are getting more and more passionate. Phone calls.. Texts..

He could dump my lower half in a pool with one look. Every girl in school wants him, yet supports us.

~

I knew what I had to do. I needed to officially let him go. Phone number, social media and all. If his love was intoxicating me with such hatred and shame, then I need to disregard his game. Everyday after that night, I mentally prepared myself to go to Hoseok and talk to him.

I first began with muting all notifications from him, as I had unmuted some of his social media upon moving back.

The second day, I worked on strengthening my peace. The last thing I needed to happen was to have a mental breakdown in front of him. He would try to hold me, making me feel vulnerable and helpless. I needed to be emotionally strong. Jun helped me out with that a lot, too.

On the third day, I took a few steps outside in attempt to go over Hoseok's house to tell him in person what would be happening. I soon turned right back around and went up to my room for the day.

Day four was no different besides me actually getting in and starting the car. I had a mini mental breakdown and Jun comforted me with tea and a movie.

Day five, I had hardened my heart and decided to go write a letter to seal the deal, in case I couldn't say it.

Day six, I drove by his house.

Day seven, I sat in his driveway before pulling off when I saw the door open.

Day eight, I went up to the door, standing there debating on knocking or just walking away as I had done before.

Day nine rolled around and I sat at his front porch a long time before hiding the letter and starting to walk away when I had heard the locks on his door start to unlock themselves.

I didn't know what I wanted.
Did I want to run?
Stay and watch his reaction?
Whatever I wanted, I had to decide quickly before..

"Leona?"
"I was just leaving." I powerwalked my way to the car and drove away without looking back.

Day Ten..

I swore to myself that I wouldn't run away. I swore to myself that I would tell him. I was going to keep my word this time.

Getting up early in the morning after a restless night with Jun, I slipped on my all black attire and drove away to my destination. I was sure this time. This is what I needed..

I put the car in park taking a deep breath before nodding to myself and getting out. I took my time getting to the door, noticing that there was another car there in the driveway. Disregarding the thought, I searched for the letter which hadn't been found yet by him and held it firmly in my hands as I held my breath knocking on the door.

After a moment of waiting, I rung the doorbell.

Heart pounding..

I had to be ready.

The door began to open after what seemed like an eternity and pretty soon, his handsome features scorched me. His messy hair, white tee, shorts and tired eyes all captivated me.

This is what I would have married.. This is what used to love me..

I sighed and shoved the letter to him. "What's this?"
"What does it look like?"
"Leona, please tell me what's in this."
"Why don't you just open it and find out?" I retorted back. Sighing, he looked around before rubbing the back of his head and returning his gaze back to me.
"Come inside. I'll read the letter and then we'll talk."

We did just that. It took a deep breath for me to take the first step inside but we made it to the kitchen. Upon opening the letter, a very familiar object fell out with it.

A synthetic rose petal he had given me from so many years ago that we counted as our first date. Despite our family (my dad and his grandparents) being there, he still payed for my meal and we were serenaded by the band that was playing from table to table. It was so romantic. We kept the rose petals from that night and would occasionally slip them to each other as a romantic gesture or to cheer the other one up.

But this time, from our facial expressions, we both knew that this was no positive thing.

His sad eyes looked up into mine questioning me.

Why?

"Read." I simply stated.
"No. I wanna hear this from you. Let it come from your mouth."
"Hoseok, why are you being so difficult right now?"
"Because I need to hear this coming from you. Tell me what you want right now." his voice sounding defensive and hurt.
"I-.. Please just read and I'll explain. You said you would.." after a moment, he sighed and continued reading. I could see his face turning red as he began to shake it slowly.
"No. No. You have to explain this to me. We can't end like this."
"Hoseok, its for the best."
"For who?"
"Me." we stared at each other for a while before he began reading the letter aloud.

"I Love You, but I can't do this anymore. I can no longer bear the burden of loving you. So now, I have to let you go. Please be happy without me." He sternly looked up at me. "What is that supposed to mean? You're saying you don't love me anymore, right?"

"I'm not saying I'm not in love with you,
I'm just saying that I don't want to be in love with you."
"How can you just choose not to love like that? What have I dome to you for you to say this?" his eyes becoming puffy and red. It hurt a lot more than it should have to see him this way, but I remained cold.
"I said what I needed to say. Goodbye Hoseok." I had reached the door before I felt him pull me close to him.
"Please don't leave me like this. I Love You." he cried. It pained me until I remembered who else had heard that before.

"Get off me." I demanded. "Now."
"Leona-."
"I said Get Off Me!" I screamed and he let go.

I had never been so disgusted in my entire life. But I was glad that it was over now.

I hated to be crying so much in Jun's arms but he was my comfort right now and I needed him.

At least it's over now.