Never Forever

After Us

"We're here."

My eyes trickled over towards the one my heart betrayed me for. Looking up at his gaze, I witnessed the same dimly lit smile that Mira often gave me when I knew she felt sorry for me. It was a chilling feeling. Especially since I had just witnessed her smile the day before just after kissing Sehun. And then I began to wonder..

Does he know?

Ugh. What am I doing? It's none of my business if he wants to ruin his life..

I crossed my arms as I angrily got out of the car, leaving Hoseok dumbfounded. I didn't mean to display my anger, but it just seemed to speak for itself. Keeping my arms crossed, I waited for him to lead the way. Instead of just walking ahead or along side of me, he decided to surprise me by wrapping his arm around my waist, guiding me as we walked. I jumped to his touch, causing him to smile.

It was then that my heart felt like ice cream.

If he were the sun,
I was glad to be melting.

We approached a nice place to grab a bite to eat while enjoying the scenery outside. It was beautiful. Inhaling the beauty of the air and exhaling the coldness of my heart.

Slowly but surely.

After ordering my food, Hoseok looked down at me.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Really?!" He seemed shocked. "You usually eat more than that.. Or are you just trying to be polite since you know I'm paying?" He grinned.
"You know I don't like you paying for stuff for me." I sighed as I casted my gaze away from him.
"Still the same beautiful, considerate girl I fell in love with.." he smiled. He suddenly bit his lip in frustration before changing the subject. "Let's go sit down."

While we waited for our food, we sat at a booth inside. It was quiet for a few minutes before I became agitated. "Yah! Stop staring at me like that and talk!" He smiled before glancing down and looking back up at me.
"I'm sorry. I just missed seeing you. You know I haven't seen you since the day of my graduation.." he tailed off. "How was your trip?"
"It was nice."
"Where'd you go?"

I lit up. As I began talking to him about my trip, studying abroad, I found myself slowly opening up to him but also at a rapid speed. Glowing, smiling and laughing with him, my body began to crave him. Then towards the end of our conversation, as it died down, my eyes just stared at his hand.

I wanted to be the one holding your hand. I wanted that hand to be the one that picked up mine for a kiss. I wanted that hand to be the one that would grab a hold of my wrist when I tried to walk away.

To pull me by my waist when in an argument to silence me.

The hand that would cuddle and he me when I needed it most.

The hand that I would try to tame in public from its touchy habits..

And to think that all of that is being done to another girl..

To think that that girl used to be me,
Was heart wrenching..

I screwed up..

As a secret attempt to comfort myself and tame my strong urges for his touch, I touched my face the way that he used to. The only difference was that I had to pretend that I was rubbing my face. He seemed to be watching closely at me for a few seconds before my eyes locked with his for a split second before breaking the connection I missed the most.

But I was too stubborn to admit..

"So.. What did you do during you time here while I was away?" I smiled.
"Well, uh.." he chuckled. "My time here was not as bright as you have experienced." I smiled with subtle agreement. "It was hard those first few months when you left.. Uh.. Disappeared.." he began to scratch the back of his head, flashing a smile of reassurance. "I didn't start looking for work until after I had met Mira, who cheered me up. She helped me through my situation and help me get back on my feet. Eventually, I found a job, made enough money to buy a house and used the leftover money to pay off your-."
"Debt." His eyes became hard and fixed on me.
"Bills." He meant it as a correction." I sighed.
"Please just tell me how much it was. I promise I'll pay you back."
"No."

"Number six hundred and fifty four?"

"That's us." He said and got up to get our food.

~

Outside, I just kept quiet as I waited for him to return. I kept thinking to myself..

Why?

What doesn't make sense to me is why he still acts like he still loves me and wants to get back together.

Unless he's just being nice??

I guess so.. He's always been a gentleman..

I jumped at the sight and sound of Hoseok suddenly sitting down before me. His eyes seemed to be tired. I internally pouted with worry.

"Hoseok?" He looked up at me. "Are you tired?"
"Not really."
"You look exhausted."
"Ah.. I just got off work."
"What's your work schedule look like?"
"It really all depends on when they need me. My standard job is as an industrial worker in the factory. My part-time job is at New Denim whenever I'm not working at my main job." He shrugged. "Why?"
"You just look like you don't get much sleep." He casted his gaze away from me with a sigh.
"Well, I do. I don't require much sleep like you. Remember?" He smiled. I smiled back and nodded.

I had decided to do him a favor.

"Do you work tonight?"
"No, actually tonight's my night off." I nodded.
"Well, unlike you, I'm tired." I laughed.
"Oh come on. You haven't even touched your food!"
"I know, I know. But, I had a lot on my mind and I couldn't sleep very well last night. Can you please take me home?" He sighed with a smile.
"Okay, Leona." He said before getting up with me to leave.

~

In the car, I actually did find myself dozing off a bit and before I knew it, we had arrived at my house. I opened the door to get out when Hoseok called after me. "Leona. When's the next time that I can see you again?"
"I'll text you." And got out. I walked to my backyard and waited until I heard him pull off before going to my car and driving off to my peaceful place to think for a while.