Never Forever

What Once Was

·Leona·

Alarm.. Awake..

I opened my eyes to a ceiling that was as barren as it always ways, but seemed to be way more barren than it always was..

I had intent of getting up until I felt the movement next to me. My eyes let a tear fall yet my face stayed silent.

Please, no..
Don't let it be so..

I had no recollection of last night and it was stressful enough handling Hoseok. The last thing I want is for something to pop off between me and Jun. Even when I saw his frame sit up in my peripheral vision, I didn't move. I didn't want to know if I was clothed or not.

Not that Jun is a bad guy.. I just don't trust them too much these days..

Especially if I like them.

Pretty soon, I saw his hand moving beside me to pick up my phone.

A white t-shirt. Thank God.

I thought as I turned away from him. Only then did I realize that he was turning the alarm off. Bunching the sheets up in my arms and between my legs, I slightly felt myself begin to tremble. The memories that flooded my head prevented me from dreaming last night. When I had awoken, Mira's words echoed in my head..

"It's just that I can't help but wonder why such a beautiful woman like you, whom seemed to truly love Hoseok, would just decide to leave him all of a sudden."

"I don't want to talk about it.."

That painful memory I've been trying to forget haunts me. Even after all these years.

These conflicting feelings.

My scars..

These..

Demons..

Mira would never understand and I hope she never does..

I swear..

I never would wish anyone to know what I have gone through, nor experience it.

I felt his lips comfort my forehead and he rubbed my back. His sigh followed. "I'm sorry if I scared you. It's just me." Silence followed. "You have to get up. You've got a text message from the bride saying that she'll be here in an hour. I'll make you some breakfast." and left. With a sigh, I nodded and got up.

Today is the rehearsal dinner for the wedding and I have to help Mira set up. Slipping on my attire, I specifically chose my color based on my mood.

Black.

I was mourning. But not for myself.. I was mourning for a future that never could be. Taking a sip of my tea, I thought to myself.

I wish I could just be happy.. Like that little used to dream of so long ago..

Where is she today?

"You're not gonna eat your food?" Jun inquired. I didn't mean to ignore Jun. I just hadn't had the words to say to him at the moment and after a moment, it was time to go. Placing my phone on the table, I slung my bag over my shoulder and stood to leave. "Wait, Leona." I felt him approach me. "Is it my fault?" I let out a deep breath through my nose.
"No." I took one step toward the door when he spoke again.
"You forgot your phone."

No I didn't..

I quickly grabbed it without turning to look at him before leaving.

I wanted to leave it behind..

There was no use in hiding my emotions. I was too far gone to fake a smile. I walked out the house with my earbuds in but no music on just to see how long she would let me sit in silence.

"Hey Leona." she brightly smiled. I waved with no change in emotion. "Is something wrong?" I stared straight ahead. Silent. What am I supposed to say? "Leona, what's wrong?"
"I cannot find my words to speak today. So it would be best if I had chosen the option to keep my mouth shut for today." She stared at me for a minute before starting the car.

When we arrived at the place, I had to admit that it was too beautiful. I didn't know how Hoseok could possibly afford this..

Hoseok..

I felt the tears starting to well up, but I made myself suck it up. I did everything I was told without question and pretty soon, everything was done.

"Thank you much for helping me out, Leona." I nodded. "Leona, are you sure you're okay?"
"I just don't want to be bothered today." my monotonous mood solidifying my words. She nodded and disappeared.

I spent the next few minutes I had to listen to music, trying hard to forget. Trying hard not to cry.

I don't know how to feel anymore..

Or how I've felt in the first place..

Am I sad because I'm happy?

Or am I sad because he's gone?

My heart confuses me.. So I'd rather opt not to have one.. Just give me a brain..

Just

a brain..