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VAN GOGH Soooo are we going to talk about last night?
BARDOT Why are you messaging me? You're literally in the room next to mine
VAN GOGH Mate I left your house an hour ago It's the first day of my art workshop, remember?
BARDOT Oh riiiight You should've woken me up I would've dropped you off
VAN GOGH Don't tell me you're still in bed 🙄
BARDOT It was a long night 😩 And I don't start shooting until this afternoon thank God
VAN GOGH Okay well get back to the main subject
BARDOT Was there a subject in the first place?
VAN GOGH OMG are you seriously going to play dumb?? I was there last night, I saw eeeeevrything 👀
BARDOT I genuinely have no bloody clue what you're talking about Listen I just woke up and it feels like my head's been hit by a frying pan Can we not play the pronoun game?
VAN GOGH Fineeee whatever Here's the deal You didn't tell me you had the hots for Robert Downey Jr
BARDOT AHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?
VAN GOGH You are so busted 😂 You two were literally glued to each other all night
BARDOT Mate it's not that deep He knows about my alcoholism And he was making sure I didn't go off the rails
VAN GOGH Errrrrmmm that's cute but you're a shit liar
BARDOT I'm not lying??? Sorry if you were hoping for some juicy gossip But that's literally what it was
VAN GOGH Errrrmmm nope Still not buying it You look at him like he shits rainbows
BARDOT You sure know how to make a man look sexy 🙄
VAN GOGH And he looks at you like he literally wants you to have his babies I'd give a kidney for someone to look at me like that 😩
BARDOT You could if you weren't so busy flirting with every man that breathes WHICH REMINDS ME May I know what the fuck you were doing with Chris Evans yesterday?
VAN GOGH I SEE YOU CHANGING THE SUBJECT
BARDOT THERE IS NO SUBJECT Because Robert is my costar and friend End. Of. Story.
VAN GOGH Omg just take the leap Live a little 😎
BARDOT Your definition of 'living' would end with me in a drunken coma, so no thanks
VAN GOGH Right, I forgot you became such a boring old hag since you got sober 🙄
BARDOT Excuse me????
VAN GOGH Forget I said anything When you'll be living alone at 60 with a house full of cats I'll be there to say I told you so
BARDOT Fuck you I'm allergic to cats And I'm so pissed you still messed around with Chris after I told you to cut it out
VAN GOGH When do I ever do what I'm told? 😙
BARDOT I'm not joking Regan I don't give a shit who you hook up with But not my friends Chris is an awesome guy and I think he genuinely likes you You're not allowed to break his heart
VAN GOGH Omggg all we did was make out 🙄 You sound like he's about to propose next week We're just having fun chill outtt I'm actually meeting up with him this afternoon
BARDOT You've been here for three days how the fuck have you already managed to do every single thing I told you not to do 🤦🏻♀️
VAN GOGH Hahahahaha relax he knows it's no strings attached
BARDOT No I don't think he does That's the problem
