The F*cked Up Club // Robert Downey Jr

132 // GROUPCHAT

* THE MARVEL BUNCH *

EVANS
Sooo who's pumped for the golden globes?

JEREMY
Yeehaw ✌🏻

SCARLETT
I hear they're giving all of us a table this year

ROBERT
I don't know why they bother tbh
the Avengers isn't nominated for anything

MARK
Oh well, superhero movies don't win awards
It's a fact of life 🤷🏻‍♂️

LANA
So an evening with all of you losers huh?
Can we try to be presentable for once
Like we're all actors here
So please ACT normal

EVANS
Now now Mac
Where's the fun in that?

HEMSWORTH
Lana wtf are you talking about
you're LITERALLY the worst out of all of us

LANA
Excuuuse me you bloody bogan
You and Mark once had a flicking contest in the middle of a pannel, there's no topping that
Just be normal this time PLEASE 😩

MARK
Omg my ear was literally bruised for a week 😒

JEREMY
Lmaoooo I remember that
It was hilarious

SCARLETT
Btw I've always wondered
What is a 'bogan'
You keep calling Hemsworth that and I feel like we're missing out on a great way to insult him

LANA
LMAO Scarlett I love you

JEREMY
She's right though what does it mean?

LANA
Ughhh it's hard to explain because it can mean so many different things
Chris, help me out?

HEMSWORTH
Can you go to hell
All of you 😒

ROBERT
Come oooon hemsworth you're no fun

LANA
Okay in short
A bogan is a white trash redneck loser with questionable hygiene

EVANS
So hemsworth, basically

LANA
Basically 😂

JEREMY
This is amazing

HEMSWORTH
Lana you're a disgrace

SCARLETT
Shut up you bogan

ROBERT
He really is a bogan

MARK
Bogan is my new favorite insult

HEMSWORTH
I need new friends

LANA
Ahh I love my power of evil 😌

HEMSWORTH
Does that mean the yanks are gonna start dropping australian slang from now on 😷

LANA
Tbh that would be hilarious

EVANS
Speaking of which I did overhear Robert dropping a 'mate' in the middle of a sentence the other day
I thought I was gonna choke

LANA
OH MY GOSH SERIOUSLY 😂😭
Robert whyyyy

ROBERT
LOOK I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM
This is what happens when I spend so much time with you 😒😒😒

LANA
This is beautiful I am slowly converting you :')

HEMSWORTH
Not that I find this conversation irrelevant to my life or anything but can we go back to talking about the Golden Globes

MARK
Oh right yeah

EVANS
By the way guys
I'm calling it now
NO ONE is allowed to bring weird ass dates with them
We're all gonna be stuck on the same table
So be considerate of your peers I'M BEGGING

ROBERT
Ermmm define 'weird ass dates'

SCARLETT
Like the chick Jeremy brought to the premiere in Chicago 😂

HEMSWORTH
The one with the misspelled tattoo 😂😭

JEREMY
Not my proudest moment I'll admit

ROBERT
Fuck we had to put up with her the entire night it gave me PTSD 😩

SCARLETT
You know what? Let's just agree to not bring any plus-ones, less headache that way
The exception being Mark and Hemsworth's wives ofc

EVANS
That works for me

HEMSWORTH
It's not like you had anyone to go with in the first place mate

EVANS
hahahasomeonedatemeplshahahahaha

JEREMY
Boyyy you reek of desperation

LANA
Errrm Scarlett bear with me
My date is awesome, you'll like him I promise
I mean he has a tendency to wear sunglasses indoors and at NIGHT
But otherwise he's pretty cool

ROBERT
Yeah my date is a bit of an acquired taste
She literally has no filter so she'll say the most random shit at the most inappropriate times
Otherwise she's (kinda) normal
You'll like her I promise

MARK
I'm confused
I thought you guys were together
And you're going with other people??

HEMSWORTH
Ohhh Mark...

SCARLETT
They are talking about each other you dumbass

MARK
Wait what
Ooooooh LOOOOL
Got it

LANA
It's okay Mark
It takes longer for some people, you still get a sticker for trying

MARK
Fuck off you bogan 😒

JEREMY
Wait so you're going as each other's date huh?
That's definitely gonna go unnoticed

EVANS
Robert & Lana: *post photos of each other's kids on social media*
Robert & Lana: *go to award shows and premieres together*
Also Robert & Lana: "NO ONE CAN KNOW WE ARE A COUPLE!!"

SCARLETT
America's ass has a point 😂

HEMSWORTH
Yeah I mean if you wanted to make it a federal secret mayyyybe not being so obvious would be a good idea

ROBERT
You guys don't get it
It's all intentional
We are dropping hints slowwwwly so people don't lose their shit when we do decide to go public

LANA
^ what he said

SCARLETT
Hate to say it but everyone knows already 😂
You're just dragging it on

MARK
And you're torturing me in the process
Because goDDAMIT IT'S SO HARD NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT

LANA
Hang in there mate
We won't keep it a secret for long

MARK
Ohh sweet release 😍

JEREMY
I'm surprised Mark hasn't spilled the beans yet tbh

EVANS
He's too scared of Lana

LANA
As he should be 👀