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LANA I know you don't want to talk to me right now but please just let me do the talking. I had a long time to think about this situation and all the things we said to each other. Let me start with an apology since that's the least I could do at this point. Robert, I am so sorry. Gosh I'm such an idiot. I can't believe it even crossed my mind to accuse you. I got sad, angry, frustrated and everything in between... I wasn't thinking straight. For the record, I would never think you were capable of doing something like that. Robert, this whole situation, my secret being outted, is quite literally my worst nightmare coming true. You know that. I just wanted to find someone to blame and I started turning against the people I love. Remember when you said I was hiding behind my thumb? It took me this long to realise you were completely right. The truth is I did hold your addiction against you, if only subconsciously. But I realise how wrong I was. Your presence, your support and kindness has meant the world to me. This entire year has been incredible due in no small part to you. I used to think someone with a history of addiction could only drag me back into my old lifestyle, but you have done the exact opposite. I will never stop being amazed at the constant support you show me. I guess I have taken it for granted, not realising that you have stayed by my side, even when I was hard to be around. You respected my struggle and I love you for that. Robert, you know how paranoid I can get. God knows everyone always calls me out on it. Truth be told everything makes me paranoid lately: my addiction, the media, my ex husband, my barely surviving career... I'm not making excuses but it is a lot to handle. And on top of that I've fallen in love with you Gosh Robert... I'm so in love with you I don't know what to do with myself I just hope I haven't ruined everything and you and I can still be friends at least.
