The F*cked Up Club // Robert Downey Jr

179 // GROUPCHAT

* THE MARVEL BUNCH *

EVANS
WHAT ON EARTH?!

*attached: article link*
"Scarlett Johansson Spotted Buying a Pregnancy Test: Could There Be a Baby On the Way?"

JEREMY
Scarlett you're pregnant??

LANA
LMAOOOOOO

MARK
Scarlett WTF

ROBERT
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SCARLETT
In what corner of hell did you find this article? 🙃🙃

HEMSWORTH
Congratulations Scarlett!! 🎉

JEREMY
But like... who's the dad? 😶

LANA
😂😂😂😭😭😭

ROBERT
This is the funniest shit I've seen in a WHILE

SCARLETT
Robert and Lana if you could stfu that would be much appreciated
IT'S NOT FUNNY

LANA
On the contrary my friend this is hilarious 😂

MARK
What's going oooon

HEMSWORTH
So are you pregnant or not??

SCARLETT
I am NOT pregnant

EVANS
Okay so the test was negative?

SCARLETT
The test wasn't for me 😒

MARK
The internet is blowing up you know
Everyone seems to think there's a baby on the way

SCARLETT
Weeeell as a matter of fact there is a baby on the way
But it's not mine 👀

JEREMY
Huh?

HEMSWORTH
Whose baby then?

LANA
Lmao

MARK
Yeah still confused

SCARLETT
Omg do I have to spell it out for you?
I'm not pregnant
But someone else is
In this very groupchat actually 👀

EVANS
OH MY GOD

JEREMY
HOLY SHIT WHAT

HEMSWORTH
SERIOUSLY???

ROBERT
Took you guys long enough 😂

MARK
I still don't get it 🙂
Who's pregnant??

SCARLETT
*facepalm*

LANA
Lmao x1000

JEREMY
Mark 😩😩

HEMSWORTH
It's okay we've always known Mark was a dumbass

MARK
FFS

ROBERT
Mark will you please use your fucking brain
There's a grand total of TWO women in this groupchat
One of them is pregnant
But it's not Scarlett

EVANS
Wait for it...

MARK
LANA'S PREGNANT?!

LANA
Pffiuuu finally 🎉

EVANS
I'm so happy for you guys
But jesus that was fast 😂

HEMSWORTH
You guys are wasting NO time ay

SCARLETT
At Robert's age, you know... gotta make the most of it while his swimmers can still swim

LANA
LMAO THE DISRESPECT 😂😭

ROBERT
I am going to hunt you down Scarlett jfc

JEREMY
How far along are you Lana?

LANA
About 4 weeks

JEREMY
Wait so you got pregnant on the honeymoon? BAHAHAHA Marjani's gonna FREAK

LANA
I already told her 😒😒
And as expected she took the piss out of me for ten minutes straight

ROBERT
I don't approve of the influence you have on her Renner

HEMSWORTH
You guyyyyys
I can't believe there's a baby Downzie on the way

LANA
Never call my child 'baby Downzie' ever again 🙂

EVANS
Holy shit
Lana's a demon on normal days
Imagine what she's gonna be like PREGNANT

MARK
Excuse me while I move to the other side of the country for the next 9 months

LANA
As if I'd ever complain about that

JEREMY
In all seriousness I'M SO HAPPY RN

HEMSWORTH
This is so exciting, congrats 😭

ROBERT
Why thank you, thank you

EVANS
I can't believe I'm going to be a godfather 😍

LANA
You're going to be a what now? 🙂

HEMSWORTH
EXCUSE ME
I call dibs on godfathering

ROBERT
You guys are so hopeful it's adorable

SCARLETT
I mean the kid's godmother is all sorted so... 💅🏻

LANA
Sit your ass down Scarlett 😂

MARK
Okay but you guys need to chill
We all know I'm the obvious choice for godfather

LANA
Highly controversial statement you got there 🤔

ROBERT
I say we let them battle it to the death

LANA
That's a grand ol' idea

JEREMY
By the way, we can talk about it on social media right?

ROBERT
Oh absolutely NOT
It's way too early

LANA
Yeah we'll announce it ourselves

SCARLETT
Then how am I going to deny that I'm the pregnant one?? No one's going to believe me

LANA
HAHAHAHAHAHA this will never be not funny

SCARLETT
Fuck off 😭 my phone is literally blowing up with congratulations messages
My mother even called to throw me a baby shower ffs

LANA
It's okay just keep all the free stuff you get and send them my way

ROBERT
Cause we definitely wouldn't be able to afford them otherwise?