Out of Love (narry)

Maybe not knowing was better than knowing

'You look out the window while I look at you
Saying "I don't know"
Would be like saying that the sky ain't blue
And boots weren't made for sitting by the door
Since you don't wanna stay anymore'

******************************

"Good morning love, how did you sleep?" Ben smiles at the sleepy lad walking over to him.

"I had a weird dream," Niall was still trying to process the dream in his head, but it only made his head hurt.

"About what?" He pats the chair next to him.

"Well," He goes and sits on the chair. "I punched someone and got a concussion?"

"Baby," Ben smiles. "That wasn't a dream my love."

"It wasn't? I went to the hospital?" Niall was kind of hoping it was all a dream because he didn't want to tell Ben about the kiss he shared with Harry, but he was also relieved he hadn't dreamed it.

"You did, and so did Harry." He sighs, he's been thinking about this whole situation and thinks maybe letting Niall decide on his own was a bad idea, he had to fight for him. He needed to show Niall he was willing to do anything for him to pick him and forget about Harry.

"That explains my massive headache." He nervously chuckles.

"I can go bring your pain medicine," Ben offers as he was already getting up.

"No, it's fine, I can go get it." Niall also gets up and goes over to his bedroom to get the pills. He goes back to the kitchen, he sees Ben preparing him a toast and he couldn't take it anymore he had to tell him about the kiss. "Ben," You're only going to hurt him.

"Yes?" The blonde smiles up at him.

"At the hospital, Harry... he, uh," Niall presses his back on the counter. "He kissed me. And.. I kissed him back."

"You—What?" Ben feels like his whole world was crashing down. Why are you doing this to me?

"We kissed." He shakily breathes out, he wasn't sure how Ben was gonna take it.

"It's best if I leave." He looks away from Niall and goes to grab his duffle bag from the bedroom.

"Wait," Niall follows him. "Ben, I'm so sorry."

"I don't need your apologies, Niall. I need some time to myself, away from all of this." Ben turns to him. "Can't you see that I'm hurting?"

"I do, and I fucking hate myself for putting you through all of this." Niall starts tearing up.

"I've tried to push all of this aside because I love you, but, it's become too much. Way too much. You keep saying you want me, you kiss me, then you go and kiss him? Niall, why?"

"I-I don't know.." He cries out of frustration with himself.

"You need to make a decision, because not only are you hurting yourself but you're hurting me... so fucking much." Ben croaks out, he appreciated Niall being honest with him but maybe not knowing was better than knowing.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes once more.

"I know you are." He sighs. "And I hope you soon realize who you really love and want to be with."

"Y-you don't have to leave." Niall felt awful, he regretted everything. Not everything, liar.

"Niall, I can't be here." Ben says, he could see the hurt in Niall's eyes but he couldn't pretend all of this was okay anymore. "Please don't try to stop me."