Unconditional

Maybe I Do Miss Him

Ant takes in a deep breath and nods slowly. He knew Martin must be angry at him. He just poked an old wound that they all wanted to heal unscarred.

Martin: "I am so happy that he did..."

Ant looks at him in surprise : "You are?!"

Martin nods "I know you will look after him. We are always worried about him, you know... how he will cope up with the new surroundings and all... we were actually planning to visit him - but then... things never happen as we plan it..."

Ant thinks back to how he held Dec in his arms, kissing his hair and wiping his tears "It never does. I didn't mean to hurt him"

Martin: "The first time I found about this, I was terrified... I said to him things I shouldn't have... I realised it later... It's not your fault Anthony... "

Ant: "I...I felt..." What did I feel?

Martin: "Helpless?"

Ant looks at him surprised. He then nods slowly

Martin smiles unhappily "I know... Can you imagine finding your youngest brother collapsed on the floor, eyes closed and blood pooling around him? I- I saw that... My little brother... I should have protected him... I should have held him and taken away his fear but I couldn't...I did all I can but those were never enough... Can you even think how helpless I would have felt...to know there is nothing you could do... to..to stop him from hurting himself...my little brother Anthony... I should have taken him in my arms and protected him from everything...my little brother..."

Tears escape from Martin's eyes and without thinking Ant holds his shoulder and squeezes it.

Surprisingly Ant understood him...he cannot even think what he would have felt if he saw Dec in a similar position

Martin wipes his eyes "He is much happier now, he is so carefree and I can see him moving on.. I will do anything for his happiness, we will do anything to see that smile on him. Leaving him there in that college was never easy but we had no choice. You don't know how relieved we are that he got you as his roommate. He always tells us how you look after him and is protective of him... And meeting you and seeing him with you, you don't know how happy we all are. Just...just take care of him eh? You are the only one who knows and...only one we trust to look after him"

Ant: "His friends are really nice. They really care about him and loves him"

Martin chuckles at that "Dec told me about what happened the first time they went out drinking. You helped him to hostel"

Ant: "Well, there aren't the most responsible people out there, that I agree...but, he is loved, and accepted. I don't know how anyone can ever dislike someone like him... or hurt him..."

Ant's mind again takes him back- to the day he had tried to hurt Dec. Guilt welled up inside him How could I even think about hurting him

Martin: "I wish this happiness stays with him... I wish nothing takes this away from him..."

Ant: "Nothing will. I will make sure of that"

Martin looks at him in surprise "Why?"

Ant sighs "Let's say you are not the only one who cares about him...."