Chapter Fifty-One

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A/N: THIRTY FANS! So faster update! Here you go! I got many suggestions on where to go from here and I decided this option would work best. I'm working on a one shot of this chapter in Louis' point of view so look for that soon!

Enjoy! Please comment/vote! Love you all!

Warning: Self harm!

Dedicated to my 30th fan! Enjoy love!

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CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

The driver drove us all back into the apartment. I hadn’t had another loss of memory moment since that last time which was good. I don’t want to lose my memory. I mean, I want to forget about what he did to me, but I don’t want to forget the people I love. 

I don’t want to forget Louis.

I’ve already forgotten him twice. I don’t want that to happen again. It’s terrifying. 

But I was still scared out of my mind.

I got a pen and paper from one of the guys in the van and started stuff down that I couldn’t forget. Le Fanatics, Louis, One Direction, everything. I wrote a letter to myself so that if I forgot, this letter would help set some things in my mind in order.

Or at least I hoped it would. 

“Give this to me if I ever forget again,” I said and handed Louis the letter. 

“I will,” Louis looked at me scared before folding the letter up and putting it in his pocket. 

I wrote one more letter, this time to Louis. I explained to him how much I loved this and that if I ever forgot again, this is how to make me remember. I wrote him everything I think would make me remember before folding it up and putting it in my pocket. I wrote Louis’ name on the front and wrote under it “only open if I can’t remember anymore.” 

My head was pounding. My heart was pounding in my chest. 

I just wanted this to be a nightmare. I just want to wake up from this terrible nightmare already.

But I think I might actually be awake. 

And that’s what scares me most. 

When we finally pulled up to the apartment complex, paparazzi was flooded outside snapping pictures of the van’s every move. 

I started hyperventilating when I saw them and back myself up further against the window. These are more people that are going to hurt me. They’re going to hurt me. Please don’t hurt me. 

“We need to go through the back entrance. Rose can’t go through all of these fucking paps,” Louis told the driver who just nodded and continued driving. 

I was starting to feel faint again. I felt the urge to throw up. I wanted to get rid of the disgustingness I felt inside. 

Because he violated me inside. 

The driver pulled around to the back of the complex and Louis opened the door. He got out first and stood out there waiting for me, in case I fell I guess. 

I slide over slowly across the seat and hopped out of the car. I guess I didn’t need Louis’ help after all. 

Or so I thought.

Once my feet hit the ground, I started feeling faint again. I started seeing the black spots in my vision again so I tried blinking to make them go away. But they wouldn’t.

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