November Rain

Chapter 15: Behind The Story

Her name was Ayana.

Bukan. Bukan oneul bam juingongeun ayana ayana.

Oke skip.

Cewe Sundanese ceu. Gue ngebayangin kulit putih mulus demen makan lalapan dan kalo ngomong mendayu-dayu gitu. Anjer begitu banget ternyata tipe si Aa satu ini.

"We met in college. Beda fakultas tapi satu UKM musik."

Baik.. baik.. sama-sama anak musik ya. Oke masih gue dengerin. Padahal gue nggak minta dia cerita. Kenapa jadi begini ujungnya?

"What happened next?" I challenge myself to ask.

"Well.. life happened. Hahaha." candanya sambil menopang kepalanya dengan satu tangan di atas meja makan. Sementara satu tangannya lagi meraih tangan gue yang ada di seberang meja, memainkannya dan menggambar lingkaran-garis dan bentuk nggak beraturan lainnya di punggung tangan gue.

"I'm still listening."

"Yaaa.. gitu lah. Long story short gue pindah ke Toronto. Things didn't work out so we broke up."

Distance. Again. Pikiran gue melayang ke belakang.

"So, do you think if the distance wasn't even there to begin with, nothing would ever happen?"

"Hmm.." dia menghela napas panjang. "I don't know, Ndri. Tapi menurut gue jarak itu juga bagian dari takdir. Ya mungkin memang Tuhan mau ngasih tau kalo dengan adanya jarak, seseorang itu tetap dikasih jalan sama kita atau enggak."

"So, what if the distance is gone? I mean, you get back to live your life where you're close to her one more time. What do you think will happen?" I know deep down that I'm asking about someone else. Not him.

"It depends. Kalo salah satu ternyata sudah menemukan alasan lain untuk move on ya kenapa mesti balik? Lots of things can happen in such a short time, you know."

Lah, jadi gue yang terpojok, saudara-saudara.

"Did something happen to you or her?"

"Both of us. It was all about regret in the beginning. I was just 21. Too young to even think of maintaining a serious relationship."

"She wanted to quit?"

"Gue duluan yang memutuskan untuk mengakhiri aja semuanya, karena kepindahan gue bukan sesuatu yang bisa diprediksi berapa lama, kapan bakal balik, dan sebagainya." dia menghela napas dalam-dalam.

"But she insisted to stay. She believed it would work out somehow. Dan gue turutin aja." dia kembali menatap gue setelah beberapa menit matanya terlihat menerawang jauh.

Then he smiles.

"Setelah gue pindah, ya, sesuai prediksi. Life got even more hectic, gue mesti urus ini itu, sana sini, tes dan kursus penyetaraan segala macem sampe gue bisa diterima di perusahaan di sana. Nggak segampang itu. It was a whole lot of work to even get my shit together, let alone balancing my relationship life."

"So you gave up?"

"I didn't. At first. Justru keberadaan dia dari jauh yang selalu support gue itulah yang bikin gue semangat. Tapi gue nggak punya cukup waktu buat membalas apa yang dia lakuin ke gue. Terkesan satu arah, kayak dia doang yang berjuang. She sent me presents, called me every dawn karena perbedaan waktunya jauh banget. Sometimes I forgot to replied her messages, or didn't take up her calls because I was so worn out. So eventually she gave up. She said that this was pointless."

"I thought you're the one dumping her."

"Do I look like someone who dumps people first? Hahaha"