Walls Up (One Last Time #1)

Internal Conflict

Chapter Eighteen

Internal Conflict

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I slowly step down the bus and walk down my neighbourhood. The bus rolls out onto the road and drives away. I pause on the pavement and look behind me. I feel a set of eyes peer into my back, butterflies erupt in my belly, only, it's not the good kind. I walk across the road onto the other side of the street. I continue to walk but I still feel like I'm being watched. I try to ignore it as best as I can. But it's useless. I hear a faint rumble of tires rolling on rocks behind me. I restrain myself from looking behind me, the sound is louder now.

A car passes by, I don't recognise it. Relief floods my body. I quicken my pace, I speed-walk through my lawn and to my porch skipping three steps making it into one big step. I knock loudly on the door, I left my keys in my forgotten jacket in his car. I notice a sticky note on the front door and I peel it of.

Hey Mel, How was the date? Text me. Love you, Kyle :)

I crumble it in my palm. My eyes start watering but I refuse to let them fall down my cheeks. I knock again on the door, a bit louder this time. After an excruciating 5 minutes of waiting out in the cold darkness of the night I go with Plan B.

I already tried calling my mum but it went to voicemail. I tried my dad, no answer too. I walk down the lawn and to my mums gnomes' at the end of the walkway to the door. Out of the three one of the gnomes holds a empty little bucket in which my parent decide to store a spare key for the house. I pluck it out wiping the cobwebs away from it. I stop and drop the key back into the pot, thinking about spiders. I backpedal away from the bucket.

I feel spiders crawl up my arms and back. I shiver. I run my hands across my arms and legs to remove all the heebie-jeebies from my body. I take out my phone and turn on the flashlight. I shined it in the pot to see any unwelcome spiders. To my relief there was none. I picked up the key with caution- turning of my flashlight, and pocketing my phone. I rubbed both sides of the key against my jeans and walked to the front porch. I fiddle with the key until it goes smoothly into the keyhole. I turn the key, and the handle.

New tears fill my eyes as I enter my home. My mother appears on the other side of the door, as if she was about to open the door the exact same time as me. "Oh Mel darling! How was your date with Conrad?"

My bottom lip quivers, my hands start trembling and I can't stand to look at my mother in the eye. How could just one make out session make you so weak inside?

Because it was with Conrad. My brain answers.

I turn around slowly closing my eyes as I shut the door. Both hands on the doorknob I remind myself to stay calm. But I can't. Tears fill my eyes and I don't know what to do. I cheated on the one boy who make actually like me more than a friend.

But I do one thing: I turn around and run to my mum, embracing her as I cry in her arm. "Oh honey, what did that boy do now?" She says that with concern and pity. I just shake my head and fall to the floor, as she still holds me together as I fall apart.

I sniffle a laugh but it just makes me cry harder. "What happened?" She gently lifts me off the ground, keeping a firm grip around my torso. I wipe my eyes with my palm. She leads me to the couch and we sit down.

"There there, stop crying." She pats me on the back in an andante speed. I shake my head, tears pouring out of my eyes like rain. She rubs my back in a circle motion. "Let it out," She says.

And I do. I burry my hands in my head. "I'm a bad person. A horrible human being. I shouldn't deserve to live. I'm just here to hurt people. Horrible person." I mumble per and over again shaking my head.