Back To Your Heart

Everything happens for a reason

JADE

I am sitting in one of the chairs in the hospital lobby clutching the letter Perrie wrote to me, I still can't believe that she's gone... that I lost her for good. I heard footsteps approaching me and I know it's Jayson, he's the one who informed Jesy and Leigh-anne about what happened. I haven't got the courage to tell them, especially Jesy that Perrie's......

I felt Jayson sit beside me, I want to look at him and tell the boy how sorry I am. Why am I sorry? I'm the one to blame for her accident.

"Jade..." I hear Jayson say "It's supposed to be me..." I answered.

"That supposed to be me Jay and not her."

"Jade please, don't blame your—" He stop talking when I look at him, I see how broken he is "How can I not blame myself huh?!"

"Jade..."

"You were there! You saw that the car is speeding towards me and if she didn't push me aside, I'm the one lying on that hospital bed, dead!!" I shouted. I didn't care if other people are looking at us, I was so damn pissed, angry, broken and the list goes on.

"If I just let her explain... if I just fucking give her a minute to say whatever she wants to say... she's still be here.... With us... with me."

"Now you fucking tell me it's not my fault?!" I look at him as he pulls me into a hug "Perrie is dead because of me... my wife is dead because of me Jayson!"

"Ssshhh... stop." I hold on to him as I cry hard "Everything happens for a reason; we might not know the reason now but one of these days we will..." he said.

Whatever that reason is, I don't want to know, and I don't give a fucking care. All I want is my wife, my Perrie, the girl I want to spend my life with... but she's gone and this time, she's not coming back.

"You have to be strong for Louise and Amelia." I cry harder when he mentions their names, I'm the reason they lost their mother and now, how am I supposed to tell them that she's dead?

_____________________________

After a few minutes of waiting, Jesy, Leigh-anne, Jamie together with the twins arrived at the hospital. Leigh-anne immediately went to my side and give me a hug, I know they've been keeping their tears at bay so that the two little ones won't see them crying.

"Be strong." My sister said to me and I just nod my head weakly, I look at Jesy when I broke the hug and like Jayson, I can see how broken she is and we both look at the twins. Among the five of us, I am the one who need to tell them what happened to their mother.

I was in deep thinking on how I will do that when I hear someone clears their throat, I look to my side and saw the nurse who assisted us since the first day and give me a weak smile. Before she says anything, she looks at the twins and motion for me to follow her.

"The doctor told me to inform the family that you can see her before they bring her body to the morgue." I nod my head at her "Can you give me a few minutes to tell our kids?"

"Of course, take your time." She said and excuse herself. I went back to my family and stand in front of our kids who are both looking up to me. I kneel so I'm looking at them in an eye level. I hold both of their hands and before I can even say anything, they cry.

"She's gone right? Mom's dead?" Louise asked while tears are flowing in his eyes "Louise..."

"I saw her in my dream. She told me that I need to be brave and take care of you and Amelia." He answered in between tears "She told me that we don't need to get mad at you and she loves us with all of her heart." My heart can't bear the pain anymore as I pull them into a tight hug.