CPR 2

16

Carti
I moved around in the bed a little bit and opened my eyes seeing Aaliyah wasn't in the bed. I sat up and stretched and grabbed my phone seeing it was a little after nine in the morning. I slipped my clothes on and got up walking around checking different rooms to see where she was.

I walked downstairs and checked the kitchen and looked out of the sliding glass door that led to the backyard. She was sitting in the grass with her back turned facing the sun. She had a cup sitting next to her and I knew it was tea.

I opened the door and closed it walking toward her. I took a seat next to her but I didn't say anything. She had her knees pulled to her chest and I seen tears falling down her face. She looked at me and smiled wiping the tears off her face.

"Hey.." I said rubbing her back.

"I'm really sorry you seen me like that last night Jordan. Thank you for coming and checking on me and taking care of Rayne for me." She smiled and then turned her attention back towards the sky.

"Li what's going on witchu?" I asked staring at the side of her face.

"I haven't been right...haven't been right for a minute now but I been fighting. I've been trying to remain perfect and solid. I've been using that shit to help me get by and I know it isn't right. Some days I just need to feel numb to all the shit going on..." She paused.

"I'm done with that shit I promise and if you wanna break things off with me I understand. I'm not making excuses for myself but I feel like I'm going through all this shit alone. I know I have people to call out to but nobody is really going to get this shit Jordan. I know it's inappropriate and irresponsible to be doing that shit with Rayne around and I hate myself for that. I guess I'm just becoming the person Jay keeps telling me I am." She dryly chuckled and wiped her face.

"Whatchu mean Li?" I asked.

"I'm a horrible person for doing what I did to him and I'm a bad mother for not bringing Rayne to see him. He tells me she's going to grow up to hate me because I'm keeping her away from her father."

"Fuck that nigga! Aaliyah don't listen to that bullshit he be talking that nigga is just taking his frustrations out on you. A prison ain't no place for no damn baby and if he wouldn't have done the shit he did he could see his child whenever. You had the right to walk away and to stab his ass for putting his hands on you." I spoke up raising my voice.

"And if I know one damn thing you far from a horrible mother. You bust your ass to provide a good ass life for you and Rayne. You doing this shit alone with no help from anybody. You the strongest woman I know right now." I pulled her into me.

She busted out into tears and I consoled her while she let everything out.

"Everybody go through shit and I'm not giving up on you for this shit. You helped me get clean off lean and I might have slipped up. But I know how important to you it is so I don't. If I think about picking up a cup I see that as hurting you and I can't do that. You helped me get clean and I'll help you I gotchu Li." I kissed her forehead.

"Please keep this between us I don't want Ian or my mom finding out." She asked.

"As long as you stay clean, if you slip up I gotta tell Liyah." I said.

"Nah I'm done with that shit I promise."

"I need you to stop pushing me away and let me back in too Aaliyah. Let me love you the way I'm supposed to and you won't have to worry about shit. You can call on me whenever and I'ma be there. Whatever you need help with I don't care." I said and she nodded.

"How long have you been taking them?" I asked.

"For almost a month and a half..not everyday though." She said lowly.