One and Only

Chapter 33

Jem's Pov:

I was laying on the bed surfing the college course list.

 Hmm all the campus classes have already started but they offered online classes that I could take and the only time I'd have to be at the campus was to take the finals.

Michael plopped down next to me and I pushed my laptop aside and rolled to face him. "Hey you." I mumbled against his lips.

He smiled and caressed my cheek. I turned my head to kiss his palm.

"You excited for tomorrow?" He asked.

I shrugged and thought for a minute. "No actually. It's just another day. Nothing special."

He flicked my forehead playfully. "Love it's the day you finish high school. It's very special."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah I get that, but it just feels like a normal day. The only thing that changes is that I'll be working at the club during the day and I'm going to start online courses."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh is that the only thing that changes" He mock glared at me and I pretended to think....

"Oh yeah.... Now I can have my wicked way with you in public. Since I'm not your student anymore."

He pulled me so that I was half sprawled on top of him and smiled my favorite crooked smile. "I love you Jemma Jenkins. More than anything in this world. I'm so lucky to have you in my life"

His sweet words made me tense up subtly but he noticed. "What's wrong Love?"

I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes, willing the tears to stay back. He rubbed soothing circles on my back and cooed sweetly to me.

I sniffed and raised my head to look him in the eyes. "I don't deserve you. I'm a bad person and I just don't deserve someone as wonderful as you."

His eyes narrowed and he looked pissed.

I went to sit up but he held me still and searched my eyes.

"What's going on Jemma? Why in the world would you say such a crazy ass thing? Are you... I mean....is that your way of trying to tell me you want a d..divorce?" His voice was hoarse and he released his hold and looked at the wall behind me.

"What?!? No!!! I just...." I sighed and tried to find the right wording.

He sighed in relief and looked at me again. "You're not trying to say you're leaving me?"

I shook my head and my tears flowed harder now. "No never! I'm here with you until you boot my ass out."

He visibly relaxed but concern was still evident. 

 He pulled me onto his lap. "Tell me what's wrong, Love" He pleaded and I sniffed trying to say what had been on my mind.

I huffed out a huge breath and finally said what I needed to say.

"I'm a bad person and sometimes I really hate myself. I was stupid and because of that I lost our baby and I came so close to losing you too." He tried to say something but I covered his mouth and continued.

"I cried and thought I was heartbroken when I lost Squishy.... But as soon as I found out your life was in danger all thoughts of our child left me. What kind of person stops caring like that? A bad one that's who. I didn't even think about the baby once while you were in the hospital. But now that you're okay, as hard as I try not to think about it. It's always there. I try not to let it show but every time Tina or Skip talk about their pregnancy it hurts."