Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

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Dinner had been on both Luke and Ashton's minds all day. The pair had not seen each other after their interaction, but neither could stop thinking about it.

Whilst Luke was wondering if Ashton had even remembered what he said, and sort of hoping he had forgotten. Ashton was buzzing with excitement to hear what made his flatmate so enthusiastic and happy. He wanted to make Luke feel like that when they spoke. He wanted Luke to be engaged in their conversations.

But, he knew what Luke was like after spending a week with him. Ashton assumed that Luke would carefully deduce a plan to avoid Ashton at dinner. Whether that be he changed the time he usually ate, ate in his room or simply skipped it altogether.

Consequently, when Ashton entered the kitchen seeing Luke reaching for his plate in his cupboard he was shocked.

"I thought you'd ditch me," Ashton admitted causing the blonde to jump and nearly drop the grey piece of ceramic.

Taking a deep breath Luke turned around and smiled at Ashton nervously. "I did consider it," he admitted.

Ashton chuckled and went to prepare his own dinner just like the younger boy.

"What made you decide to turn up?" Ashton asked pouring a bunch of pasta into a saucepan and filling it up with water.

Luke groaned as he wiped off some soup from his shirt that had splashed out of the pan as he poured it. "I figured you'd hunt me down anyway!" Luke said, waiting patiently by the stove for it to boil.

Placing his pan next to the blonde and turning up the heat he peered into the blondes saucepan. "You eat a lot of soup," he observed.

Luke nodded and dropped his gaze back down to the floor. He hoped Ashton would further diverge the conversation, something he was good at. But, he continued.

"There's no meat in it. It's so boring. I've never seen you eat meat? Are you a vegan? Or a vegetarian? Or you just like boring soup?"

Overwhelmed with questions Luke picked up his spoon and began to stir the liquid.

"I'm a vegan," Luke muttered in agreement.

"That's cool," the older boy exclaimed. "I would never have that much will power!"

He looked at the blonde, turning up the temperature on his pasta already bored of waiting. His hair was a little flat like he had been laying down. He also noticed the dark lines under his eyes and how his face had become a little thinner.

"You eat a lot of soup," Ashton stated again.

Luke hummed in agreement as he quickly poured the food into a bowl and went over to the table. Wanting to diverge the conversation he quickly initiated a new one. "What did you want to talk about?"

The curly-haired boy was shocked about how Luke initiated the conversation, he had never done that before. He usually shut them down as quickly as possible and created awkward silences.

"I want to know what you learnt today in your lecture. You looked so content and satisfied. It must have been wholesome information," Ashton said, losing all interest in the previous topic.

Luke took a sigh of relief and began to eat his soup. "It was just an introductory lecture. It's about novels through the past couple of centuries and how some of them should be removed from education for more relevant and liberating novels," Luke said as he stared into his soup.

"But what was said specifically? What got you so interested? I came out of my lecture half asleep. I want to know what you're interested in so I can make the conversation easy for you."

Luke placed his spoon into his bowl and stared up at Ashton who was trying to bite into a half-cooked piece of pasta. "Why?"

Flinging the fork carelessly back on the side Ashton took the seat beside Luke and looked at him with care. "It's not fair that you trap yourself in your room and don't talk to anyone."

"I do it to myself. I don't mind," Luke disagreed, his heart racing a little faster as each second went past. He could feel himself beginning to sweat.

Ashton shook his head. "Humans are social animals, Luke. I bet you have thoughts every day about talking to someone, you want to tell people about your day." Ashton paused and took a deep breath. "But you can't."

Luke laughed to himself and Ashton looked at him confused. Luke met Ashton's eye. "Have you been reading my diary?" Luke asked, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"You keep a diary?" Ashton asked, with a slight smirk. He wasn't judging, he thought it was cute.

Luke simply shook his head. "Figure of speech!"

"Should have expected nothing less from a literature student!" Ashton knew what Luke meant. That he was basically reading his mind. The diary would have been a projection of his thoughts. "You don't have to confirm it, or I might even be wrong, but you show every sign of anxiety."

Luke froze. His body went still. Gulping he took a minute to think about what to say. Should he deny or it or just agree.

Ashton sensed the tension and stood up to check his pasta, wanting to give the blonde some space to think and calm down.

He didn't expect the younger boy to say anything so he was shocked when he heard the boy admit. "I've never told anyone before. People just think I'm stupidly nervous." Ashton smiled at him sadly knowing how much stigma there was around the mental illness. "I've never even talked to my parents about it."

Luke had met with a counsellor once of twice when was sixteen after he kept crying before every small test. He took a test and they told him it was mild anxiety. He just forgot about it, but as the years when by it was becoming more and more prominent. He hadn't gone a day since he had been here without having a panic attack. He was certain his parents didn't know. The counsellor never said she would tell them.

Ashton was now searching for a sauce as he began to talk. "You can talk to me whenever you want Luke. Even just message me. I'm not going to judge."

"Thank you," Luke whispered. He felt his heart flutter, he didn't know if it was from nerves or something foreign. "You speak wisely," Luke admitted, pushing soup away, feeling too sick to eat it now. "Like you're older."

Ashton shrugged. "I am. I took a gap year so I am a year older than you. But really I am the same age. Just got a little more experience with the real world. I think we've got a couple of things to learn from each other."

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Thank you so much for reading.