Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

-

It was 'Wednesday Game Night'. Ashton wanted to establish a community within the flat, to get everyone together for a little bit of fun so everyone could get to know each other. They had all been at university for around three weeks now and they all had friends outside of the block, but none of them were particularly close.

He had placed a poll in the group chat and everyone had confirmed they were going to turn up, all but the expected one.

Luke had probably spent about an hour looking at the poll, watching more and more people confirm they were going. But, Luke was now the only person who hadn't said anything.

It wasn't that he was opposed to going. He knew he'd be able to hear them all below him in the kitchen laughing and having fun. An instant reminder of what he was missing out on.

What Ashton had said to him a week ago still lingered in his mind. How he wanted him to have a normal university experience (or as close to normal as he could get) despite how restricting and paralysing his anxiety could be.

Luke had never really thought too deeply into his mental health before, he repressed it and tried to go on as normal. But, Ashton had seemed to surface something that the blonde couldn't get rid of so easily.

He had become aware of how alone he suddenly felt. How excluded he felt from the atmosphere here. Really he didn't even have any friends. To Luke, Ashton was just someone who took an interest in him psychologically. He was using him almost and that made Luke panic. Every time Luke now saw Ashton he tried to build a shield to prevent any analysis, whether that be silent or verbal.

As Luke stared at his dim phone screen he was thinking about the curly-haired boy. Was he thinking about him too? Staring at the poll waiting for a response so he could analyse that too? If he said no would he come knocking on the door explaining to Luke that he should come, that he wanted him to?

Luke turned his phone off and threw it across the bed and groaned. He cuddled into his pillow and tightly closed his eyes. Sometimes he wished his mind would be quiet for just a couple minutes.

The blonde was trying to do some reading for an upcoming lecture but Ashton had put that message in the chat and now he had been sat there for an hour thinking about the situation.

Reaching over to get his phone, Luke checked the time and sighed. It was nearly six and he was getting hungry - but he knew if he went to make dinner Ashton would follow him, asking if he was coming tonight and it would turn into Luke agreeing to do something he didn't know if he wanted to do.

Taking a deep breath Luke unlocked at his phone and before he changed his mind and voted 'yes' in the poll.

-

They had been playing a card game for around half an hour and Luke was already tired. He could feel his body aching for where he held it so stiffly.

Every now and then he would catch the older boy give him a reassuring smile but it only made Luke more nervous. He felt like he was being watched. Every time Luke glanced at Ashton, Ashton was glancing at him and they made that awkward one-second eye contact before both diverted their gaze.

Taking a sip of his water Luke quietly cleared his throat. "I think I'm gonna go up to my room," he mumbled quietly, loud enough for a couple of people to hear it.

Some of them complained, and others said goodnight to him. Luke smiled awkwardly as he let the room with his water bottle and slowly made his room to the stairs.

He felt bad for leaving. He wondered if they thought it rude. If he had ruined their night. As he reached his door and tried to find his key card a powerful voice from behind him made him jolt slightly.

"Are you okay?"

Luke didn't turn around. He knew who it was. He wanted to get into the safety of his room. "Just tired."

"I always forget that social situations drain some people, especially when I get so much buzz out of them," the older boy remarked, wanting to start a conversation with the blonde.

Slowly Luke turned around and stared at Ashton, tears were evident in his eyes and Ashton felt his heartache a little.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked gently, trying to adjust his body position to appear less threatening to the boy.

Luke simply shrugged and looked back at the floor.

"Do you want to just sit with me?" Ashton asked, desperate to help the boy, despite his lack of desire for help.

Luke bit his lip but nodded. He touched the handle of his door and cleared his throat. "Please don't say anything about my room," he whispered. "I like it like this."

Ashton nodded understandingly. He understood how much the little room meant to Luke. It was his private space where he didn't have to worry about talking to anyone.

Luke allowed Ashton to enter and the boy took a quick glance around, refraining from answering. It was plain, but he knew by now that was Luke.

Luke stood awkwardly by his bed like he was waiting for Ashton to ask to sit. But Ashton just sat leaning against the wall and patting the spot next to him.

Luke awkwardly climbed next to him, leaving a little space in between them and stared out of the window at the night sky. It was cloudy, not a star in sight.

Ashton took a deep breath and reached over to take Luke's hand that was resting on his leg. Luke flinched and stared at Ashton shocked. He knew that Luke didn't like to be touched, Luke had told him that. But, he didn't give up and took the blonde's hand. "Trust me, Luke," he said softly.

Very much aware of his hand, Luke watched Ashton draw patterns and gently rub the soft, pale skin for a little while. He then averted his gaze to the window and closed his eyes.

He didn't know how to feel. He didn't know what to think. His mind was all of a sudden empty at the feeling of Ashton's fingers against his skin. It was almost as if Luke was calm, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Luke hummed to himself quietly and Ashton smiled, admiring the boy's beauty. His small nose rounded off perfectly with the curve of his face. His skin was almost flawless besides a few marks and a poorly shaved moustache.

"How are you feeling?" Ashton asked with a hint of hope in his tone.

Luke nodded to himself in self clarification. "I feel okay now."

-

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Thank you so much for reading.