Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

-

Sometimes a text message doesn't quite convey the right message, the right tone and the facial expressions that accompany the words. Ashton knew that as soon as he sent the message. But Ashton couldn't let the concern linger on his mind any longer. So he decided on a quick message, and then a more formal conversation with the blonde the following day.

That morning, seeing that Luke had read but not responded to the message, Ashton grew more concerned. He knew instantly that Luke wasn't to be either happy or calm with the theory the older boy constructed. But he did expect some disagreement or discontent through a reply. He half wished that Luke had knocked on his door and slapped him.

Nonetheless, Luke's reaction was a void with all possibilities still in suspension. Not knowing whether he would find Luke at breakfast, Ashton constructed another message - less insulting this time - simply asking the blonde if he would like to go to the local nature reserve. He felt they could both do with a bit of fresh air, always being confined to campus and their stuffy accommodation block.

To Ashton's surprise, Luke responded almost instantly. And even more to his amazement, Luke had agreed to the idea. It was only a monosyllabic yes, that did not indicate the mood he was in, but it did suggest to Ashton that he and Luke were still on good terms.

The older boy didn't know that Luke had spent most of the night awake, momentarily falling asleep before his mind jolted him awake and fear paralysed his body again. Despite being a literature student, Luke's brain had frozen. He couldn't decipher Ashton's words. They seemed concrete and uninterpretable. They were hard and heavy and were suffocating him.

It was inevitable in Luke's mind that he was going to end up seeing Ashton either the following day or the next. He couldn't hide in his room forever or manoeuvre around the university without the curly-haired boy spotting him. Ashton was like a detective and soon as he heard Luke's door open, he was in front of him. It felt as if Ashton had a tracker on him.

He had, therefore, expected a message or a personal greeting from Ashton, dragging him out of the safety of his room and into the harsh winter air. Piercing him with intrusive questions as he tried to analyse him. And Luke knew as much as he didn't want that, he needed it. He didn't the reality Ashton imposed on him, and sooner or later he was going to have to face the older boy.

-

Placing his black beanie over his unwashed hair, and quickly zipping up his coat, Luke left his room. He was met by a grinning Ashton. But the grin wasn't as bright as usual. The curve of the lips was poisoned with regret and pain. The creases of his pain told Luke that today wasn't going to be kind on either of the boys - they were both going to suffer.

It was at the moment Luke realised that Ashton wasn't doing this because he thought it was fun, some type of gain. He understood Ashton desired to become a psychiatrist, to help others like themselves. But the analysis, the brutal questioning and informing, wasn't because he liked seeing Luke squirm under his gaze. It was purely because he cared. He took no more comfort from exposing Luke's vulnerabilities, as Luke did having the exposed.

Luke smiled back and looked down anxiously. The message wasn't going to be addressed just yet, but it lingered in the small space between the pair.

"You look tired," Ashton addressed, as he held the door open for the younger boy. Luke hummed in agreement but didn't say anything. He knew Ashton knew why he was tired, he was the cause. "We could go somewhere else if you're not in the mood for walking?"