Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

-

Ashton's family had never seen him so calm. He was still a little manic, but in relation to what he was like when he left home, his mania seemed to have dissolved.

The curly-haired boy sat with his family in a small local pub that was just down the road from campus. He had met them there, hugging each member excitedly as they entered.

It was currently reading week and he had suggested they come and visit, his mother always pestering him about it. Now he actually had the time and did want to see them.

After they had all ordered, Ashton's mum informed them that she was going to go outside and have a cigarette. Stressed from the two-hour drive there. Ashton said he accompany her, not wanting to smoke, but simply just wanting to talk to his mother alone without the presence of his younger brother and sister.

As she lit the thin white stick and breathed out an air of smoke Ashton watched the cars go by on the road. "Are you okay?" she asked after a couple of minutes of silent went by. Usually, he would be buzzing off the wall.

Ashton nodded and smiled at her. "I haven't had a depressive episode yet," he informed her. "It's gradually coming I think."

She nodded understandingly. Her son, nearly twenty, knew how to handle his mental illness. He had been going to therapy for years and he recognised the signs of both sides of the illness. He was better at controlling the mania than the depressive episodes. But the mania was a lot more frequent.

She preferred it when he was at the more hyper end of the scale. When he was down it was difficult to get him to do anything that he needed to do to survive. Eat, sleep or clean. He wouldn't talk to anyone, he would just lay on his bed as still as a rock.

As irritating as her son could be when he was constantly invading her privacy when he was experiencing mania, at least they could laugh and joke together.

"Does anyone here even know?" she asked sceptically. It had come to point where Ashton barely ever told anyone about his mental illness. There was so much stigma behind it that he found it easier just to be portrayed as rude and intrusive.

He had moved schools a couple of times when was younger and every time the parents of students found out they labelled his as some sort of monster who would be violent towards their children. The children liked Ashton, they held no prejudice, but adults tend to dislike anyone who is not their own child.

Ashton nodded. "Yeah. I've told a few. It comes up naturally, and no one really cares. Everyone here is educated anyway so they're not really going to jump to irrational conclusions," he admitted. He was sure everyone in his block knew now, whether that was from himself directly, or from one flatmate telling another.

She smiled to herself relieved. "You seem to be getting along with everyone as well," she pointed out, knowing that he often went out with his friends. "You seem calm actually. I've never seen you manage it this well before. I was worried moving away from might make it worse."

Ashton had realised that himself. That he was becoming more aware of his mental illness and therefore in social situations, he was able to realise what was and what wasn't a social norm and consequently stop himself from saying stuff he shouldn't. Of course here and there he did say stuff, he was too hyper, but overall he was doing better.

He wasn't quite sure why he was changing. He couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly caused the change but Ashton was certain the blonde who lived opposite him was one of the reasons. Luke had introduced to him the idea of routine, he had shown him how his actions might hurt people. Ashton knew that most people didn't care. But with Luke being so anxious it really highlighted how Ashton's behaviour (although it was not his fault, much like Luke's) could impact people. And maybe that was causing him to have an unconscious change.

Ashton didn't tell his mother that it was all because of a boy, instead, he simply told her he thought it might be because he was so busy with work.

-

Ashton's parents were surprised by how clean the shared kitchen was, it beyond exceeded their expectation. There were a couple of crumbs here and there, but otherwise, everything was tidily put into places. 

Only owning two mugs himself, Ashton messaged a couple of his flatmates if he could borrow theirs to make drinks for his family. 

"I suppose everyone cooks their own meals, you don't share?" his mother asked, peering into the fridge to see what was in there. It was predominantly empty. 

"We all eat at different times, there's barely ever two people in here at a time," Ashton admitted as he poured the boiled water into the mugs. Ashton thought about how the only person he was ever in here with was Luke. "We do try to get together once a week though," he said, not wanting her to think everyone here was reclusive or that he had no friends.

As he poured the milk out of the fridge the kitchen door opened and someone walked in. All of Ashton's family turned around and Luke's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't expected anyone to be here, he knew a lot of people had gone home or were out.

Before anyone could say anything to him he turned around and left, leaving the curly-haired boys family to turn and look at him for an explanation. 

"That's Luke," Ashton laughed, knowing that was a very Luke response. "He's a little shy. He lives opposite me. He's nice."

"He looks so young," his mother said. "I always forget you're older than most people in your year."

Ashton hummed in response. "He's an innocent one," he said smiling to himself. "I have to be extra careful around him. One word wrong and he locks himself in his room for days! I then have to try and tempt him out."

"Has he not made any friends here?" she asked worried for the blonde boy. She didn't know why, but she knew from her own son's experience how hard it could be for some people to make friends.

"He's friends with everyone here. We're pretty close friends actually, we hang out most days. I mean I'd call him my friend, I don't know about him."

-

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Thank you so much for reading.