Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Forty-five

Chapter Forty-five

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Begging his parents to leave early to travel back, Luke managed to arrive before Ashton. And whilst that prevented his parents from seeing him, that didn't stop Luke from having to potentially encounter the older boy every day.

He was lying on his bed. His eyes closed, his phone laying on his chest. Doors were slamming. Parents saying goodbye. And then Luke suddenly heard it. Ashton's voice. His beaming voice. All he said was bye Mum! But to Luke, he said so much more.

Luke felt that Ashton was saying: I'm happy, I'm here, I'm here to haunt you for the rest of the term. Luke thought Ashton was purposely speaking loud so Luke would know he's hearing. It was like he was trying to tempt Luke out of his room so he could cast his eyes upon him and show him what he was missing.

His chest began to rise and fall quickly, his throat became tight and his head swirled. Luke was having a panic attack. He hadn't had one in two months and he didn't remember how to control them anymore.

He was alone and upset. Ashton's voice is loud in his head as if his lips were beside his ears. His ears were burning. Was Ashton there? Did he get into his room? Did he clone a key? Luke opened his eyes and stared around his room. His room was empty. Even Luke wasn't there. He was in a different reality. An illogical one.

Whimpering, he rolled over on his side and continued to shake. He wanted to do this. He wanted to do his third term here. Not only because he didn't want his mother leaning over his shoulder every minute checking he was okay. But because he had been dreaming of this moment for so long. He had so badly wanted to live alone, study something he loved and live his best life. But, so far Luke had concluded it was the worst year of his life. And that was not an exaggeration.

Nonetheless, he had been here for less than an hour and he already wanted to escape and hide under his covers for the next seven weeks.

Because Ashton was nice and sweet to his mother. But, Luke wasn't sure Ashton would be so nice to him. He was cold in his writing. And knew there was a slim chance Ashton had read it. But in Luke's mind, Ashton had read it. And he hated it. And now he wanted to make Luke suffer even more for the public torment in his writing.

It was difficult to imagine Ashton harmful and spiteful, he had only ever been kind and considerate. However, Luke had learnt recently how quickly peoples emotions can change. An individual didn't have as much control over them as they thought. Luke thought he had mastered his anxiety, he managed to suppress it. But here it was as prominent as ever.

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After two hours of staring into blank space, listening to the movements in the block, and scrolling through his phone, Luke finally sat up. His body ached, but he wanted to leave his room. He was ready to face reality. He wanted it over with. He wanted to know what was going to happen, and with that over with, he could relax. Or close one of the million worries off.

Slowly grabbing his key card, and slipping on his slippers Luke stood in front of his door. One that was going to remain shut this term. And no one was getting through. Cautiously he opened it and scanned the surroundings. The corridor was dark and empty. Just how Luke wanted it. But, he couldn't shake the fear that something was lurking in the darkness ready to jump out and confront him.

Letting his door shut closely behind him, the light clicked on. His body triggering the sensor. Suddenly aware of his presence, Luke tried to shrink himself. He felt too visible. He was too visible.

The click had triggered the further movement in the corridor. Ashton too emerged from his room.

Luke sighed and cursed under his breath. He quickly headed towards the exit, but Ashton paused his movement. "Luke?" His voice was deep and powerful. It has the power to make Luke do what he did not want to do.

The blonde didn't respond.

"You're allowed to ignore me, Luke," Ashton said softly. "It's probably best if you ignore me."

Luke nodded, his eyes burning into the floor. He wasn't going to let his voice betray him.

"But, please, if you are struggling, just remember if you ever need me I'm here."

-

I promise I'm not trying to kill you!

How is everyone doing? Today marks the first day of lockdown in England. What is happening in your country? Please take care!

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Thank you so much for reading!