Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty

-

Ashton wasn't there. He wasn't sat beside him this time. However, Luke was not alone. Next to him sat his mother and father. Luke felt relief and finally allowed himself to rest.

She gave his hand a tight squeeze and sighed. "I want you to come home, Luke."

Luke nodded, closing his eyes again. "I want to come home too. I can't do this anymore."

-

Ashton sat with his back against Luke's door. Luke wasn't in there. He was at the hospital where Ashton left him after he insisted they call Luke's parents. After he took a taxi home and found himself sitting outside of the blonde's room, finally feeling relieved.

He didn't know if Luke knew he was going to collapse and knocked on his door so Ashton could help him. Or if the overwhelment of seeing him sent him over the edge once again. Ashton didn't want to know, he was just glad that he had caught the younger boy and once he was safe, left.

It wasn't Ashton's place anymore to help. He was only going to make things worse. He couldn't be there, and he hoped his absence would provide some sort of closure for the blonde. There was a suitable distance now between the pair. Enough distance that Ashton finally felt free of Luke.

Resting his head against the blondes door, Ashton let himself smile. He understood now. He understood what he did wrong, and what he had consequently done right.

He knew he should not have tried to help Luke as he did. They were too close and Luke had no space to breathe. They were always on each other's minds. What actually mattered could not be thought about. As long as Ashton was around, Luke couldn't put into perspective how sick he actually was. And as a consequence, Ashton couldn't quite see it either.

But, now there was this distance between them. Not only the five-mile drive between Ashton and the hospital but also the fact that Ashton no longer knew what was happening to Luke. Ashton couldn't project his unprofessional thoughts and fears on him, and turn him into something he was not. Luke was now bare and vulnerable to scrutiny. And not Ashton's scrutiny.

Running his finger along the rough carpet, Ashton knew then and there what he wanted to do. Of course, he'd always wanted to be a psychiatrist, he wanted to help people, but he just didn't know-how. But after seeing what he did to Luke, and what Luke did to him, he finally knew what he wanted to do.

All he wanted to was to protect Luke. From himself, from others, just from everything. But he failed to protect the blonde from their relationship - the one thing that should have been filled with love and care. It made Ashton realise he was just as young and naive as Luke - he didn't know anything.

And he didn't want to make that mistake again. And he never wanted anyone to experience the toxicity their relationship succumbed to. Ashton was determined that he was going to become a relationship counsellor, helping with domestic abuse, particularly for men. Because he knew that we could all be a little bit kinder in our relationships. He was going to be a hand to hold for those whos partner didn't offer one in their relationship.

-

This is short, sorry. But as conclusive chapters, I don't think they should be full of waffle. 

Kind of scared to end this book.

Also just finished the crown and kind of feel lost now. It was something I watched when I had no wifi for a month and an episode a day really gave me something to look forward to. So I rationed the new series, and am kind of sad it's over. 

Any, how is everyone?

Please comment what you think.

Thank you so much for reading.