Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Thirty-nine

Chapter Thirty-nine

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"What are we?" Luke asked, his head resting against Ashton's bare warm chest. His own body covered by a thick grey blanket. He was curled up into a ball and the monotonous beat of Ashton's heart sent him thinking. Thinking about what he and Ashton actually are.

They slept together most night, their limbs tangled and their hearts yearning for contact. But during the day the acted like acquaintances. Luke wondered if Ashton wanted to keep him a secret. He wondered if he was a stain ruining his reputation. That didn't make sense to Luke though. Ashton said he loved him and if he did, then why would he care more about his reputation.

All the confusion and caused Luke's own heart to fall out of sync with Ashton's and became faster. He was beginning to panic. That maybe Ashton didn't care for him like he said. Maybe it was exploitation of some kind. But they hadn't had sex, so he wasn't sure what the exploitation was of.

Ashton could feel the past pace of Luke's heart and began to run his finger down the side of the blonde face. He'd hold his hand but they were in a difficult position to do so.

"What do you want to be?" Ashton asked. The questioned scared him. It was crossing territory he didn't feel comfortable with crossing. If Luke was questioning their relationship it meant that something was wrong.

Luke shrugged. He just wanted everything right now to be true. He didn't want to find that it was a just a fling or a joke. He didn't care about the labels, just wanted to know the love was still alive.

Brushing a strand of hair from the blondes face Ashton asked cautiously. "What made you ask?"

Shrugging again Luke closed his eyes. His head was spinning. He trusted Ashton, and he didn't want to expose his absurd doubts.

"Are you over thinking Luke?" Ashton sighed, his own eyes brimming with hot tears. Luke nodded, his hair tickling Ashton's chest. Nodding to himself, Ashton took a deep breath and asked. "Do you think we're forever?"

"Nothing's forever," Luke laughed nervously. The question caught him off guard. It confirmed his thoughts. He had to make a joke to stay grounded.

"Yeah. We're all mortal. But, do you think we're survive life together?"

"Yeah," Luke whispered. "I could never hate you."

"No. No, I know you couldn't. But, we are still young Luke, and both difficult people. Don't you think we shouldn't rule out the possibility of letting something more normal enter our lives?"

Luke didn't respond. There were tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't disagree with what Ashton was saying, it just hurt. The truth hurt, and Luke much preferred Ashton to lie to him.

Ashton sat up, and gently pulled the blonde up with him. Hugging him tightly. "I think we both knew we were never going to come out of this together. That this was just some temporary arrangement."

"I had some hope," Luke admitted, his voice breaking. "I don't care about being boyfriends or anything Ashton, I just want to be with you. I need to."

Ashton nodded eagerly. "I'm not going to leave you Luke. I'm still here. I just don't think we're exclusive that's all. I think I would like to be able to date someone else if I like them."

Luke felt a pang in his heart but he nodded nonetheless. There were things he could not give Ashton, and he felt bad for that.

"So we're just friends with benefits?"

"Something like that."

"Just without the sex," Luke sniffled, looking up sadly at the older boy.

"I don't care about the sex Luke," Ashton told him sternly, knowing it was something Luke often worried about. Luke had said he wasn't ready, and Ashton accepted that. He knew that was not the foundation of their relationship.

"I know," the blonde confirmed. "We have love instead, don't we?"

Ashton nodded and smiled. He closed his eyes and tried to fight back tears. His voice was wavering. "We do have love, and hugs and we hold hands. It's care. We're not ready for the passion yet."

"And you want that passion now?" Luke asked confused.

Shaking his head, and opening his eyes to look back at the blonde. He was calmer now. His cheeks still stained but his eyes drying up. He had overcome the panic. Ashton felt proud. "I can wait. But, someone might come who can give me that passion and it'd be wrong not to warn you."

"What happens to us once they do appear?"

"I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think I could ever give you up completely. I'd miss your presence."

Luke disagreed. "I don't think I could see you with someone else. It's hurt too much. Maybe I need to eliminate the possibility of you getting with anyone," Luke suggested, allowing the room to lighten up a bit.

"Please do," Ashton whispered desperately. "I'll help you!"

Luke laughed and buried his face into Ashton's chest. It was his turn this time to reassure Ashton. "We'll be okay eventually. It'll all fall into place. Maybe we'll be together, I don't know."

-

Sorry it's short, but I don't want to make you cry too much!

I just had a blood test and now have to do four hours of lectures with a numb and aching arm. I'm really surprised I didn't pass out with all the blood he took!

Please keep commenting. You are all so sweet and make me so happy which is weird because I don't know you! But I'd love to!

Thank you so much for reading.