Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Thirty-one

Chapter Thirty-one

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Luke groaned as he fidgeted in his bed. His eyes flickering open, but not ready for the light. He heard someone say his name, but he ignored it.

Ten minutes of fluttering eyelids and uncomfortable noises, he managed to keep his eyes open as he stared at the ceiling.

He could see a figure sat beside him out of the corner of his eyes, but he was not sure who it was. His head was throbbing and his arm aching.

He stared up at the ceiling blankly trying to piece his life together. Who was he, where was he and why was he here?

Luke titled his head to his left and stared at the person sitting beside him. Ashton stared back and smiled softly.

"How long have I been here for?" Luke asked, his voice hoarse.

Ashton looked down at his watch and shrugged. "A couple of hours." It felt like an eternity for the older boy. He had sat beside the blonde boy the entire time, silent and staring into space. Trying to figure out what to do with the mentally unstable nineteen-year-old.

Luke groaned once again and tried to hoist himself up. His body ached, but he succeeded and took a deeper look at his surroundings. "I have an essay due tomorrow. I haven't submitted it yet-" he complained, beginning to fiddle with the sheets and consuming his surroundings.

He noticed tubes entering his body and he didn't know what to think.

Ashton just laughed. "You've exhausted yourself, Luke. You need to learn to take a break!"

Luke closed his eyes and shook his head. "I sleep more than seven hours a night Ashton."

"Sleep doesn't entail energy. There's so much going on in your head and not enough body to take it all."

Luke rolled his eyes and looked beside the bed for his belongings. "You're obsessed with my body Ashton," he remarked when he couldn't find anything to further distract himself with.

Ashton shrugged. "Because you don't seem to care about it! Someone has got to. You can't keep neglecting it for other things. I thought maybe you'd learnt that over Christmas but not with the state you've gotten yourself in!"

Luke looked down at his body under the thin sheets. "I can't please anyone can I?" he complained, picking at the white sheet trying to maintain some sense of security.

"All you need to do is please yourself, Luke. But you're not pleased are you? You want more than you can have. You want the impossible! That's why you immerse yourself into a fictional world!"

Luke turned his head and frowned at the curly-haired boy. "Now you're insulting my degree? Why are you even here?"

Ashton shook his head and sighed. "Because I care about you, Luke. But you don't want to be cared for so I don't even know why I wasted my time."

A heavy silence filled the room. Both their chests rose rapidly, their blood boiling underneath their skin. Both boys were angry, and all they wanted was for the other to listen and cooperate with them.

"You know," Luke finally spoke up after letting his mind reflect on the past six months. "The weight loss started as an accident."

Ashton looked over at him shocked to hear his quiet voice break the eerie silence. He'd never really heard the blonde mention his body without metaphors or some fictional cover-up. He gave him a reassuring look, willing the conversation on. "Just poor management?"

Luke nodded. "And when I noticed I felt good. I felt healthy and light and I wanted to stay like that." Luke paused and then laughed to himself. "And then I decided to eat what my mum gave me when I got home to avoid confrontation."

"I bet you felt stronger," Ashton added encouragingly.

Luke shook his head and then nodded. "I know what I'm doing isn't right, but I noticed the difference when I came back. Everyone did." Luke let his hand finally rest on his stomach and his eyes brimmed with tears. "I noticed the change. And I know it was good but it's not what I wanted."

Ashton listened understandingly. "Do you think it's what you want now? Or at least do you think you'll consider getting some help? They are going to offer it to you."

Luke thought about it but never replied. Ashton could tell he was beginning to panic and Ashton knew he needed continued reassurance.

Reaching over Ashton took his hand and began to explain. "You know Luke, I don't think there's much wrong with your body. No one wants you to change the way your body looks. They just want to help you keep it healthy. Which is what I think you want."

His eye glossing over, Luke looked down ashamed. "I just wanted a flat stomach, which said out loud seems so cliche! And less fat! Eating the same stuff was the only way I could do it."

"You're anxiety doesn't help. At least you could control what you ate. But you've been thrown into a new and very different situation, and you're trying to be okay. However, you're digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole."

Luke knew everything Ashton was saying was the truth, and with the truth now fully out into the open he needed to deal with it. "What do you think I should do?" he sniffled before laughing. "You are the wise one after all!"

Ashton chuckled, glad Luke was still fighting to be himself. "Only if you're ready Luke. But you just need to talk to someone. I think that's all you need. To talk."

"To you?" he asked innocently.

"No to someone who's a bit more specialised than me. I'm just a wannabe," Ashton admitted.

"I think you're good," Luke protested, not wanting to talk to anyone else.

Ashton simply shook his head. "I'm not good enough for you Luke."

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I'm at work right now ready to start a 7 am shift straight off the back of a 10 pm one. I'm exhausted.

Anyway please comment what you think.

Thank you so much for reading.