Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

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"Ashton, please stop," Luke whispered harshly. They weren't in the quiet zone of the library but Luke didn't want to disturb those who were peacefully working. But, there was no one close enough to hear then anyway.

Ashton pouted and closed down his laptop so he could see the blonde fully. But his own laptop screen was hiding half of his face so he closed that as well. Luke continued to scowl at him.

The pair had entered the library just under an hour ago and Ashton was already bored and fidgety. Consequently, he had given up reading about cognitive neuroscience and began to playful kick the blonde's legs.

Luke had let him for a little while but he kept losing his place in his own reading. His mind too distracted by the touch of the curly-haired boy.

"I don't know how you're so productive, I'm bored already," Ashton complained, sitting up in his chair and closing his textbook.

"You clearly not enjoying what you're reading," Luke pointed out. He was studying something he loved, and each word he read conjured up excitement.

Luke always knew if he was doing okay, if he was content at least , if he still had the desire and passion to learn more.

He figured out that measurement through reading The Catcher in the Rye by J.D.Salinger. Whilst many argue it's a depressing book, and often call it the suicide book, Luke found something oddly optimistic and reassuring about it. It gave him an indication of how to realise if he was experiencing the teenage angst and depression Holden experienced.

He brought the copy with him and it was sat on his shelf, tabs neatly littering important parts of the book. This part was specifically on page one-hundred and ninety-six of his beaten up edition gifted to Jane in 1981 by her beloved Richard.

He'd read it so many times that Luke almost knew the passage word for word. It made him realise that anyone who had any idea of what they wanted in the future - even just to live - is in love with knowledge. If you want to you're getting closer and closer to what you want, and then you begin to realise.

And that's why to some extent Luke understood Ashton. A couple of days after meeting Ashton he read back over that page. Where Mr Antolini highlights that most people are frightened and sickened by human behaviour. And that then excites and stimulates you to know more.

Luke assumed that Ashton had once had a point in his life that made him frightened and sickened by human behaviour that he really wanted to evoke a change. So he then wanted to gain more knowledge and for Ashton, he took the direct route which was psychology, for Luke that was more implicit in Literature. But both had experienced depression and had risen from it to crave more and more knowledge. The knowledge that was ignored and almost lost in that state.

Luke cocked his head and stared at Ashton. He had barely questioned the boy today, and his boredom seemed to suggest he wasn't in any mood for gaining more knowledge. Luke began to worry if Ashton was sad.

He remembered Ashton mentioning that his bipolar caused depressive episodes, but Luke wasn't sure what to expect. So far he had only experienced manic Ashton and that was just the norm now.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked when Ashton hadn't responded. He didn't mean to offend him.

Ashton nodded. "Just not in the mood. I'll just sit here till you're done. Actually do you want a drink? It's quite cold, maybe we could have a hot chocolate, can you have those?"

Luke nodded but contradictory said. "I don't really want one. But, you can if you-"

Ashton was already standing up, placing his phone in his back pocket. "I'm going to get us both one. And maybe something to eat. It's already eight and we haven't eaten. I thought I heard you're stomach earlier."

Luke blushed and looked down. "Do you want me to come with you?" Luke asked in defeat, Ashton never took no for an answer with these type of things.

"No it's fine, you watch our stuff and fill your brain with interesting facts to tell me when I'm back."

Nodding in agreement, Luke fished about in his bag for his wallet but Ashton already left. Groaning Luke pulled out a note and opened up Ashton's laptop and placed it in between the screen.

Doing so he caught a glimpse of the screen and saw a photo of Ashton and a boy led on the floor, cuddling each other. His stomach flipped and he quickly shut it down. Ashton had told him that he broke up with someone just months ago, did he already have someone?

He probably met someone here, he went out a lot. Luke realised that really he only saw Ashton for half an hour a day on average. He knew nothing about Ashton, and it was most probable he actually had a boyfriend.

Luke sighed and placed his head on his laptop. He was confused as to why he was so upset. Luke knew there were feelings lingering somewhere for Ashton, but they were not quite solidified yet.

Jumping at the touch of a hand on his back Luke sat up and stared at Ashton who was placing a hot chocolate in front of the blonde and a bag with something in. "Only thing they had for you, I'll eat it if you do not want it."

"Thanks," Luke said, his voice breaking slightly as he tried to hold back tears. Why did he always have to get so emotional around Ashton? He took the biscuit out of the bag and smelt it.

Ashton chuckled and remarked. "That was cute. You looked like a rabbit or something!"

Luke smiled, feeling a little bit more confident that Ashton was complimenting him. He took a bite and smiled to indicate that it was good.

"I've never seen you eat something sweet before."

"It's difficult to get stuff," Luke excused. "Or it's just too expensive to buy. Fruit is sweet though!"

Ashton smiled and leant forward. "Can I try some?" Luke held it up to Ashton's mouth and he took a small bite and grimaced. "It's so plain!"

"Not really," Luke disagreed. "It is in contrast to yours but you get used to it!" Ashton rolled his eyes and lent forward, even more, Luke's breath hitched, but Ashton only brushed a crumb off of Luke's shirt.

"You thought I was going to kiss you, weren't you?" Ashton smirked, sitting back in his chair, watching Luke squirm awkwardly.

"No, I, well, I thought you had a boyfriend?"

"I told you earlier that I broke up with him."

"But your screen on your laptop, you look so happy together?"

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh. No that's my best friend. I'm not ready to date yet, still pissed off at my ex. Are you spying on me now? Have the roles reversed?"

Luke frantically shook his head. "Just trying to find a good place to give you money so you don't refuse it."

Ashton opened up his laptop and smiled at the note. He picked it up and gently brushed Luke's face with it before smirking. "Was someone jealous?"

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Thank you so much for reading.