Hold My Hand - Lashton

Chapter Forty-three

Chapter Forty-three

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Ashton had hoped there would have been a response from Luke. Begging and pleading for him to rethink and take him back. But Ashton didn't want that. He didn't want to upset the blonde anymore, and he didn't want to encourage his yearning either. Ashton had to admit that the whole situation was a mess.

What was he going to do when he saw Luke in flesh again? They lived opposite one another! There was bound to be an awkward encounter when they run into each other, getting in one another way. And Ashton did want to talk to Luke. He wanted to be his friend and ask him if he was okay. But, he knew that was wrong and it was almost like teasing the blonde. It was said he cared, but not enough to be with him.

He hoped Luke understood why he did it. Ashton now understood why he did it? It took him a couple of days to stop feeling excessively guilty for hurting such a good and already damaged person.

But Ashton was also a damaged person and he needed some time to work out how to heal himself. And two damage people can't make each other one hundred per cent better. He was also young, and Luke younger. And he felt trapped by Luke. He was at university and he felt as if he should have slept in more beds that he had. He felt that he should be partying but instead, he was in bed by ten watching Luke read. He liked it, but it was not what he wanted his life to be like right now.

Ashton turned over onto his side and stared at his bedside table. There laid a book Luke had borrowed him just before he left. Ashton had watched his read it, enticed and relaxed. It was Luke in his best state and Ashton wanted that bliss too.

He picked up the book and hugged it to his chest as if it were the blonde himself. It was at least an impression on his mind.

The book had a couple of tabs sticking neatly out the side, a light purple colour. Luke liked to tab his books when he found a quote he liked. He didn't do anything with them. He just thought it was useful and maybe he'd need them in years to come.

The book was Good Omens by Pratchett and Gaiman. Ashton had heard of it and even watched a couple of the episodes. But he felt morally conflicted right now and believed the modern rendition of religion could give him some guidance.

However, he couldn't be bothered to read. His head ached and his eyes sore. So instead he trusted Luke's ability to mark what was key, that could give him some advice. Maybe it was contextual, Luke did it to help them both.

On page two-hundred and eighteen, Luke had tabbed: We should start again. Just save the ones we want and start again. That's the best way. It'd be doing the Earth a favour.

There was no context as to why Luke did this. No scribbles along the side Just an arrow pointing to these four simple sentences.

And it made Ashton feel better. He felt that Luke understood.

We should start again. Like the beginning of the year. Like they didn't know each other.

Just save the ones we want and start again. Save some memories. Like each other's names and maybe each other's struggles.

That's the best way. Yes, it is Luke. I think it is and I hope you do too.

It'd be doing the Earth a favour. And each other. I hope.

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Sorry it's short. It's essay season so I've had to disperse my words in unwanted Kant textual analysis that I hate doing!

In other news, I've returned home for a reading week and I've only been home a day but I already feel so much more happier. 

How is everyone? What are your plans for today? 

Thank you so much for reading and I really am so grateful for you all.