i'm fifteen, you jerk! (a:tla, reader insert)

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

You heard yelling, but you didn't want to check it. You only wanted to sleep, and rid yourself of everything. You couldn't stand yourself, how were you supposed to tolerate anyone else? You had failed, and you should've gone with your sister when you had the chance.

A knock on the door. "Y/N?" it was Hakoda. You ignored him, trying to fall back asleep. This was your bed, so why weren't you losing consciousness? Zuko and Azula were asleep in the crib that your husband- Zhao set up. "Y/N, I know you're awake. Come, Aang's woken up." even with the good news, you couldn't muster the strength to speak or move.

Hakoda opened the door, coming to sit by your bed. "What's wrong? You've been like this since you've entered the ship." Hakoda had taken on the role of the father on the ship. It was weird, but it was kind of nice that someone cared for you. Well, pretended to care for you.

"Come, before Aang falls asleep." he tried to push the covers away, but you held onto them tightly. "My husband ran this ship." you murmured, catching his attention. "What?" he must've not heard you. "This was Zhao's ship, back when he was alive. These were our quarters, my clothes are in those drawers. Go, before the ghost of him decides to exact revenge."
He sighed. "Come outside, it'll help you feel better." you didn't respond, attitude shifting from open to despondent in a matter of seconds. "Can I take Zuko and Azula? I'm sure they would love to see Aang."

"Take them, and find them a new family while you can." he didn't respond, taking your children and leaving the room. "I hate it here." you whispered, hugging yourself. To your right was your vanity, the surface covered in makeup and other feminine products. To your left was you and Zhao's drawers, where the two of you would put your clothes.

You hadn't stayed on the ship for a while, but it still made you depressed to be back on it. "You're disgusting. You have kids. What the fuck is wrong with you? Get your ass up, and get prepared for the day." you said to yourself, gaining the strength to get up.

You entered the bathroom for a bath, starting to run the hot water as you picked out different products. It would be the first time in a while since you would be dressed like a proper royal, why not actually try? Besides, you couldn't keep wearing your old clothes. You were heading to your old country, you had to look the part.

You bathed, washing yourself quickly and drying off even quicker. You slipped on one of your nicest gowns, drying your hair as you did so. By the end, you looked like you used to. With the exception of one thing. Your hair was loose, when it should be tied up.

You sat down at the vanity, beginning to pin your dried hair into place with a clip with the Fire Nation symbol on it. You applied minimal makeup, just some lipstick to complete the look. At the end, you looked like Princess Y/N, crown princess of the Fire Nation. The girl who was meant to take control of the Fire Nation after Fire Lord Ozai died.

"Fuck it." you declared, walking out of the door and out on deck. "Hello, all." you greeted. "It's nice to see you after my self-isolation." Hakoda smiled, seemingly approving of your transformation. "What are you wearing?" Sokka asked, judging your outfit.

"What I wore when you first met me, and when you rescued me. This is my ship, after all. I need to look the part."

"What?"

"You heard me. Zhao had command of this ship, and when he died, all his possessions went to me. Including this ship. Wait, what's that?" you pointed to another Fire Nation ship, which was approaching yours. "Everyone, cover! I got this." you flung your hands out as everyone prepared themselves, with Appa being covered and Sokka taking Aang somewhere else.

Hakoda and Bato placed their helmets on, and you realized with a jolt that Zuko and Azula weren't with him. Oh, well. You would yell at him later for it. Right now, you had to lie. A bridge was planted in between the ships, and three soldiers came walking across.

"You're part of the Western Fleet! You're supposed to be in Ba Sing Se! What are you doing sailing this way?" a story brewed in your mind, and you wiped away fake tears. "My husband! My husband, oh, it's terrible!" you acted distressed, and the mena in the middle seemed to panic.

"What's wrong with your husband, ma'am?" you leaned against Bato for dramatic effect, your eyes producing fake tears on a whim. "My husband- the leader of this ship, has died! He caught a terrible cold, and he couldn't shake it off! It's horrible! My children are fatherless now! Can you imagine?"

"I can't, but ma'am. Why are you sailing this way?"

"I can't just bury him in Ba Sing Se! I refuse! My husband will get the best ceremony money can buy, and we will bury him back home, at our house!" the soldiers seemed to agree with you. "As soon as we get back home, someone else will take command of the ship. As for now, we are travelling. Is that all?" they nodded, walking away and starting to mutter.

"They know!" Toph yelled, bending the medal of the bridge to make them fall. "Fuck." you and Katara started to bend the water to create distance in between the two ships, almost toppling the other one over from the force of your wave. "My husband is actually dead!" you called back.

You fought off the ships' fire balls, destroying one of their launchers with lightning. They pursued you, though. You had to freeze over the place where the anchor hit, blocking any more water from getting in. "it couldn't get much worse!" and then it got worse. It got so much worse.

The serpent tried attacking, but it was hit with one of the balls of fire the other ship was sending. In a moment of outrage, the serpent surrounded the ship, and you managed to get away. "I hate this."

"Do you feel better now?" Hakoda placed his hand on your shoulder, and you recoiled from his touch. "No. Before I was a princess on the run, now I'm a wannabe. I should've gone back home, I would've faced proper punishment there."

"Punishment for what?"

"Existing. I shouldn't be in- whatever the hell this is! I should be back home! Where I was born! Away from the mess that is the royal family. Away from this Avatar business. Away from whatever the fuck goes on when I suddenly become a Kyoshi Warrior. I miss my mom, and I miss my dad. I miss home. It's so fucking stressful over here! I had to learn a whole new language!"

"What language did you know before?"

"I knew English! They speak English over here, but they write it weird! God, I hate it! Like how the fuck do you even do your daily tasks knowing that you read gibberish? How do you stand it?" you weren't referring to your letter system anymore. You were referring to everything.

"I'm tired, Hakoda. I'm tired, and I have two kids to care for. Two kids and no husband. I'm alone, and I'll have to kill the only person who could've ever loved me here. My father will be dead by the end of summer, and my country will fall. It'll fall because of me, and I can't live with that! Yeah, my father wasn't the one who took me in, but I still love him! God, I just- I can't! I should be dead. I genuinely should be dead. In fact, nobody would-"

You noticed Katara, who was listening in with tears streaming down your face. "I'll go. Thanks for listening, Hakoda." you saluted him, leaving for your room. You didn't bother to undress as you threw yourself into your bed. "Mama! Mama?" Zuko called, and you groaned.

"What is it, baby? What do you want?" he reached his chubby little arms out to you, and Azula followed his lead. "Do you want to be held?" you picked them up. "I wanna go to sleep, do you want to sleep with me?" you laid back down, setting your children down next to you, falling into a dreamless sleep.

"Mama! Mama!" somebody tried to shake you awake. "Huh? What is it?" you kept your eyes closed. "We're almost there." someone said. "Almost where?" you asked, slurring your words together.

"We're on our way to save Aang." you shot up. "What the fuck? What happened?" Katara looked saddened, and you turned to see Zuko sitting in Sokka's lap and Azula in Toph's. "You're awake. Good. Aang left, and we need to save him."

"Is that why you were crying last night?" she nodded, looking away. "Sorry for hogging your dad then. That was more important."

Aang thrust his glider into the rock, and you watched in awe as it set on fire. "I'm glad you came to your senses, Aang. Now, let's go find some food, yeah?"