NJ boys imagines

*REQUESTED* panic attack

i don't remember who requested but thank you❤️!
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WARNING MENTIONS OF BEING FORCED ( not saying the word, since it could be triggering ), LOOK FOR MY WARNING AND WHEN ITS GOOD FOR YOU TO READ AGAIN.

"Mom, I'm home!" I yell through the house. I walk to the kitchen and see a note on the island. "Hey, I'm out for work. I'll be back soon, you can invite ale and the boy, but make sure to clean up. Xoxo mom" I smile at the note and went to my room.

It was kinda like déjà vu, of what happened during freshman year, stop stop thinking about it. My breathing got a little heavy, but I ignored and took a deep breath in, "See this is why you're in therapy." I say to myself. My hand started to sweat and shake when I grabbed the door handle. I took a deep breath and walked inside my room and I put my bag on my vanity chair and changed into some shorts and one of Alejandro's shirts he left here. I made sure my window was locked and my phone dinged.

ale🥰: hey, i'm 5 minutes away.

y/n❤️: cool, come in whenever you arrive.

I was debating to stay in here or not, I wasn't comfortable being in my room anymore. It reminds me of when- no stop. Stop thinking about it. It's fine, it past. My eyes watered a little as my stomach started to ache and my chest started to feel tight. "You're fine." I say to myself. I hear a knock on my door and I stumbled to get it. I opened it and there he was, I felt my eyes water more and I backed away from the door. "Get away!" I yell. "Stop!" I say as my back hit the wall and I slumped to the floor. I was having a panic attack.

The imagines went to my head, STOP READING IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE OR TRIGGERED TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH, he pushed me to the bed and started to take my clothes off. "I'm going to make you feel good." I yelled and I cried. "Stop please!" It echoed through my head. "It hurts! Stop!" I sob. He pushed himself into me and I yelled for help. "Stop." I sob more. "Help!" I yell but it didn't come out. I felt my chest get tighter and it started to hurt. I felt someone grab me and I tried to push them away. "Get away." I sob. "Baby, it's me." He said. "No! You aren't my boyfriend!" I sob more.

THE MENTION IS OVER
"It's me, Alejandro." He said. He sat next to me and hugged me, I smelled the cologne on his shirt, i felt the knot in my chest start to unfold. "It's okay baby, deep breath in and out." He held my hands and took the breaths with me.

My eyes still watered and my breathing took a while to get back to normal. "Ale, h-he was here." My voice cracked. "No, he wasn't, baby. He isn't here, he's gone. He will be gone for a long time." He said massaging my head. "I felt the pain and everything came back." I said. "I know, I'm sorry for not coming sooner. He's not here, it's only me. It's just you and me." He said making me look at him. "Just look at me." He said. I stared into his eyes, focusing on my breathing.

I got my breathing under control, "I need to get out of this room." I whisper. "Okay, come on." He helped me up, my legs felt like jello. I couldn't stable myself.

He took us to the couch downstairs, "I'm sorry you had to see that." I whisper. "It's okay, you shouldn't go through your attacks alone. If you feel like you're going to have one, please call me so I help you." He said. "It's not that easy." I say. "I know it isn't, but if you get the change, call me." He said. I nod my head and we sat in silence. "I-it's okay if I hug you?" He asks. I can tell he was afraid to hold me as if I was fragile and would break. "Yes." I said. He pulled me into his lap and held me close to him. "I love you, and I don't mind helping you during these." He said. I nod my head and took in his warmth. The warmth and alejandro in general made me feel safe.

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made: 07/20/2020
word count: 765