NJ boys imagines

but i'm trying.

FLASHBACK
"That's all you ever do alejandro! Why can't you just be a normal boyfriend!?" I yelled at him. "Maybe because normal boyfriends don't exist! I'm not perfect, I know that. But you can't yell at me for not being normal when you aren't either!" He says back. "What's that supposed to mean?" I scoff. "And there you go playing the victim as if you didn't just say I wasn't normal! Oh sorry, no one can be rude to you but when it's to other people, it's not a problem, right?" My breath became shaky. "I'm done.. we're done." I say. He lets out a deep breath, "Then I guess we're done." He grabs his phone and leaves my house. The door slammed, making me jump a little. I fell into the couch, not knowing how to feel. I just broke up with the love of my life. How are you supposed to feel?

FLASHBACK OVER

It's been over 2 months since I've seen or talked to alejandro. We needed space, a lot of it, considering we were with each other 24/7. Sometimes you just need a break, even if it's from someone you love.

The last 2 months, haven't been the best. Cried every night, couldn't sleep, kept getting dreams of him, and being in my room, only coming out for food or if my parents needed something.

I missed him so much but I hate him so bad.

I decided to go to our spot we used to go. It was at the park, we used to meet up there to go places. That was where he asked me to be his girlfriend, where we had our first kiss, first I love you, and our first date. It's a special place.

When I had arrived, I saw a figure sitting on the bench; didn't know who it was until I smelt the familiar cologne. It was alejandro, it didn't take long for him to hear me. "Hey." He said to me. I looked at him for a brief moment, "Hi. What are you doing here?" I asked, in a not so politely way. "I come here everyday since we broke up. To get my mind off of it or to um- watch the sunrise." He coughed and sniffled a little. I nod my head and turn to leave. He reached out to me and grabbed my wrist, "Y/n, wait-" I pulled my wrist away from him. "I have nothing to say to you." He sighs, "Well I do. Listen if you want but in a few days I'm not going to be here anymore." I scoff.

His breath became shaky, "I get that I wasn't the perfect boyfriend you wanted, but I tried. I fucking tried to be what you wanted. I tried my best to give you everything that I had in me, and it just wasn't enough. I just wanted you to know that I loved you- I still do, but I can't move on without knowing you don't want me back. I'm sorry I wasn't the best one you had, I'm sorry I wasn't the one you wanted, I'm sorry for being a horrible boyfriend. But look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me and I'll leave." He looked at me. I held in those tears, they were fighting there way to slip out. You weren't the worst boyfriend, I wanted to say, but I couldn't.

I looked in him in the eyes, "I. Don't. L-love you.. anymore." His eyes flooded with hurt and pain. "That's all I needed." He backs away. "If this is the last time you'll see me just know that I love you. Have a goodnight. Bye." He whispered the last part and walked away.

I let out that breath that was I was holding back. I walked off and went back to my house.

---
A few days went by and I haven't seen Alejandro. Anywhere actually. What he said rattled in my brain, I still love him, even if I don't want to admit it.

I got up and went to his house, going to give back his hoodies and everything he gave me.

I reached his house and I knocked on the door, his mom answered. "Oh, hi y/n." She smiles. "Hi, um is alejandro here?" I asked. Her smile went down a little bit, "No he isn't." I raised an eyebrow, "Do you know where he is or where he went?" I ask again. "He left for um something important, he isn't coming back to jersey for a while." She said. "What?" I let out. "I'm sorry y/n." She says. "Do you mind if I come in?" I ask. She nods her head and I thanked her. I walked to his room and saw that it was empty. There was nothing there but a desk and a note.

I took a look and it had my name on it.

Dear, y/n
Hey, um you're probably reading this later on or my mom gave it to you. I meant what I said to you at the park. I still love you and I regret not being the best I could be. But I'm trying, I'm trying for you. I'm trying to be the guy you want, I'm trying to be the perfect guy. Who knows maybe you'll like me better that way or won't, who knows what will happen? I just want to say thank you for the best 4 years of my life. They were truly the best and I loved every single minute with you, even our fights. I'm going away for a while, from everything, and I'll probably not go back. I promise to you I'll be better next time. for you. I'll see you.

i love you,
Alejandro.

My eyes watered as I slide down the wall. I cried with everything (alejandro's mom: 👁👄👁) and I felt horrible for making him feel like he needed to change. He was perfect, we were perfect, but I guess he thought he wasn't. God, why was I so stupid? "You were perfect alejandro." I whispered as I sobbed. "I'm sorry." I still love you too, but now I'm too late to tell you. I'm sorry.

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made: 09/23/2020
word count: 1079
now wasn't that sad😃👍🏼? yeah, kinda not feeling the vibe lately. but it's okay, everything will be much better. there are better days to come.