Every Reason Why

ERW33

Trigger Warning: Self-harm and disturbing words

Please skip this chapter if you're not mentally prepared. Read at your own risk. Thank you!

xxx

ERW33

It's black... then with a little light that's blinding me so much... then it will be black again...

What is this? Where I am? Ni hindi ako makagalaw ngunit umiikot ang mundo ko at nahihilo ako.

"Sey... can you hear me? Stay with me, please... stay with me..." I heard a familiar voice of a man. It sounds like a song to me... my most favorite voice that has the ability to light up my day with just his chuckles.

What is he doing here?

"Theo..." I tried to say but nothing came out of my mouth. I don't even have a voice.

I felt like drifting away and I am very happy and blessed that I am hearing his voice right at this moment. God, I missed him.

"Baby... no. Please, hold on... I'm sorry. I'm sorry." his voice broke.

Gustong ko siyang hawakan at yakapin. Umiiyak ba siya? Pero bakit? No, Theo... your beautiful face doesn't deserve to welcome tears. It only deserves happiness.

"Sey, c'mon." may isa pa akong narinig. Parang tinutusok ang puso ko kahit hindi ko naman nakikita dahil paulit-ulit na dilim at liwanag lang ang nasa paligid ko.

Fire, pasensya na...

Mula sa mga liwanag na nakikita ko ay nagkaroon iyon ng ilang mga mukha at ilang mga elemento sa paligid.

I have long wondered what dying felt like. Noon palang ay nagse-search na ako tungkol doon. They say, you'll know that you're in it when you started going through a seven minutes life flashback.

I didn't believe it. How come they know that it's exactly seven minutes? Nakakatawa kasi iyong pinakasimple pa iyong pinagtaka ko kaysa doon sa mas malalalim pa. Wala eh... iyon lang ang kayang isipin ng utak ko dahil hindi naman espesyal ito katulad ng sa pamilya ko.

There were a lot of explanations given by science, philosophers, psychologists, theologians... I didn't believe in any. But now...

"Zemira Fayre!"

It felt nice in here.

Unti-unti kong binuksan ang mga mata ko. I don't know how long I was in the dark but my eyes immediately closed when the blinding light entered my sight. Nakakasilaw. Akala ko ito na iyong dulo. Akala ko ay iba na ang makikita ko sa oras na magmulat ako ng mata... pero...

Binuksan ko ulit ang mata ko ng dahan-dahan para sumubok muli. Halos pagbagsakan ako ng langit ang lupa noong sumalubong saakin ang isang puti at tahimik na kwarto... still on earth, definitely...

Bakit?

Bakit?!

Why do they grip on my life so hard when all I want is to let go?

Tumayo ako sa mula sa pagkakahiga kahit ramdam ko pa din ang sakit ng ulo ko. Nakapa ko ang bandage sa bahagi ng ulo ko. I don't know why there is one in there... siguro naumpog ako o dahil sa paulit ulit kong pagpalo sa ulo ko sa lamesa.

Walang tao sa paligid ko. I took it as a chance to remove the IV harshly from my hand. Napadaing ako dahil sa sakit noon. Napansin ko ang maingat na pagkakabandage ng pulso ko. I close my eyes, feeling terrible dizziness.

Sa kabila ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko ay bumaba ako sa aking kama at inilibot ang tingin ko sa kwarto. My heartbeat raised profoundly when my eyes darted on the small sofa and coffee table near the bed of this private hospital room.