Every Reason Why

ERW42

ERW42

"Miss Zemira Fayre Castellano?"

Ngumiti ako ng maliit at bahagya kong tinaas ang kamay ko para makita ako ng staff ng Psychological Clinic kung nasaan ako. She smiled at me warmly.

"Pasok na po kayo..."

Tumango ako at nagpasalamat. Inayos ko ang skirt na suot ko bago ako naglakad papunta sa pinto. I knocked first. Ramdam ko ang kaba sa aking dibdib noong mabuksan ko ang pinto at makapasok ako doon.

Agad na tumaas ang tingin ng babaeng nakaupo sa harap ng desk saakin. Binitawan niya ang ballpen na ginagamit niya kanina sa pagsulat at ngumiti saakin.

"G-good afternoon po..." bati ko sa kanya.

She smiled at me.

"Good afternoon din... take a sit."

Gumaan ng kaunti ang nararamdaman ko noong ngumiti siya. Akala ko kasi ay masungit siya. Pero kahit ganon, hindi pa rin totally nawala ang kaba ko.

Umalis siya sa kanyang swivel chair at dumiretso sa solo-seater sofa habang ako naman ay umupo doon sa mahaba.

Inilibot ko ang tingin ko sa paligid. It looks like a clean office. Purong puti ang wall at may ilang nakasabit na paintings na nakadagdag sa accent ng lugar but actually, when you look around, it felt so simple and spacious. Parang ang payapa tuloy tignan. The plants around are giving some natural vibe.

"Hi..." bati niya saakin.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. She was wearing a nude knee-length dress. Mukha siyang mas bata kala Mama ngunit masyado rin malayo sa edad ko. Maybe in her late 30's? She still looks good though...

"Zemira Fayre Castellano... beautiful name." she smiled to me when she raised her head from the clipboard she's holding.

Awkward akong ngumiti pabalik. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong mangyayari dito. I don't know what to expect in here too... nahihiya ako at natatakot pero wala na naman akong choice kasi nandito na ako.

"What do you want me to call you?"

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. I bit my lips.

"Sey... I'm Sey..."

"Hi Sey, I'm Mary..."

Nagulat ako. I mean, am I really gonna call her that? But she's older than me? Tapos parang ang taas din ng pinag-aralan niya. I can see tons of certificates displayed on her shelves beside her desk.

 "Do you have any questions before we start?"

Napalunok ako noong marinig iyon sa kanya. I stared at her with my heart beating fast because of nervousness.

"Hmm... m-magme-medication po ba ako?"

Her eyes rose from the chart that she was holding back to me.

"Do you want to? I can recommend you a good Psychiatrist." mahinahon pa rin niyang sagot saakin.

"Do I need to?"

She pursed her lips and tilted her head. Medyo naco-concious ako sa paraan niya ng pagtingin saakin.

"Anti-depressants are good. It can help you realign the chemical imbalance in your body that's affecting your moods. But to tell you honestly, no matter how much we try to use this medication, increase your dosage or so on, it will only lessen your symptoms but will not remove where it was coming from. The only way to do it is to reconcile with yourself..."

"Are you saying therapy's better?"

She smiled at me.

"No... what is better is your will to be better."