Why Can't I Hate You

{ 10 }

Vallyk~

I twisted and turned in my sleep about the night I could have died crying and whimpering slightly at my thoughts. "Calm down Val" I heard Derek say rubbing my back. Ever since I was at the hospital I've been having flashbacks and I've been telling him everything that's been going on with me.

He and Kobe promised to keep my secret from Mike until I tell him and they also took my box but I still pop pills every now and then.
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I sat up in Derek's bed sighing. I thought about the night before it bringing a soft smile across my lips. "Why you smiling" Derek said smirking. "Nun" I said getting out his bed. "Mhm, let me find out" I laughed walking out his room to get water but once I walked in the kitchen what I seen made me want to cry.

It was Mike kissing on another girl while she giggled. I didn't even say anything just walked away back to my room.

Once again you failed Vallyk.

You stupid bitch!

We told you, you were nothing but a faggot.

He doesn't like you so stop trying, hahaha.

I cried as the voices roamed my head once again. It made me feel small in my own body.

Cut!

Cut, Cut, Cut!

I took a blade from my draw looking in my mirror. I took off my shirt still crying.

Write it, I'm a faggot.

The voice repeated in my head as I dragged the blade along my flesh writing the phrase in all caps. I cried hard thinking how I'm nothing and should die.

I drop the knife once I was done watching my blood pile below me. "Vallyk No" I looked back at my door seeing Kobe standing there shaking his head. He came and put a towel to my chest as I became limp.

"DEREK!" He screamed and Derek ran in the room as well as Mike. "VALLYK!" They both screamed running over to me. Mike re moved the towel looking at what I engraved into my skin.

He looked at the words them down putting the towel back up to my stomach. "The police are on there way" the girl Mike had said.

Mike cradled me back and forth as Kobe and Derek hugged him.

Once the police came it was out of my control.

Derek~

We were in the hospital waiting room for hours when the doctor finally came out.

"Family of Vallyk Pena"

The three of us ran to her as he gasped. "Is he ok" Mike asked frantically. "he's fine, but he'll be on suicidal watch" he said and we all looked down. "We also found hundreds of pills in his stomach and had to take them out, but other then that he's fine" Me and Kobe Looked at Mike and he was taking deep breaths.

He just all of a sudden took off and I followed. He pushed him self up against the wall as he screamed and cried. He slid down the wall rocking back and forth. "Derek this is my fault, I could have found out sooner the box was under his bed but I didn't bother to see what it was" he said crying.

He got up slapping his self leaving a hand print on his cheek . "It's my fought, I made him do it" he said pointing to his self looking at me. "I made him engrave the words 'I'm a faggot' into his flesh and made him feel like nothing, all because I'm afraid" He cried. "I'm afraid of if I love him I will get bashed for it, my father will abandoned me, Derek I love him, I do. My feelings for that boy isn't going away and I can't make them but I don't want them I don't want to like him Derek but I do and I just want it to stop, just please make it stop" he pleaded and I sighed hugging him. He did the same thing Vallyk did and I don't know what to do.

There the ones in love there for there the only ones that can solve the feelings they have towards each other.

( That don't make sense, but go with it)

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