Some pathways lead you to happy endings
Some pathways lead you to dead ends
But some pathways makes you stumble upon some deep dark secrets
How would you digest those secrets?
The main point is if you would be able to live a day after you discover...
In the middle of all these questions and confusion, I know one single thing, that the intensity of the attraction I feel for Kalki is huge, and though I try so many times to get over it I could never be able to do it.
Every day her 1000 watt smile makes my day, whenever she is close to me for my therapy making me do some exercises sitting or standing close to me, though I do the exercises I also have a wonderful opportunity to watch her while at work. The way she has a serious face on when she is working, the way she bites her lip whenever she is concentrating her attention on reading my medical reports, the way she talks non-stop when we are on the walk or when we are on our break from my therapy schedule. The one thing I came to know about Kalki is she is extremely charming, smart and innocent at the same time. I noticed some happy tears in her eyes when I show improvement and my family credits her. She talks a lot ofcourse however everything she says holds a lot of value for me because she talks about things which she is passionate about, she talks about real world problems, she talks about the kids in the orphanage, she talks about the beauty of life in general.
I was afraid of one thing though
I have sorrounded myself in a dark room but with Kalki in it, the dark suffocating room turned into a colorful and cozy room, filling it with colors. While she bought colors into my life her world made me smile. The kids in the orphanage, the love and warmth they show me is enough to make my day. That is the reason on why I continue to visit the orphanage atleast 3-4 times a week with Kalki by my side.
Sometimes I am really afraid that the attraction I feel for her might ruin our friendship because I am scared she could look into my eyes and see what I am trying to hide from her.
I was sitting in my bed reading my book when I saw Kalki walking through the door of my bedroom but today she looked different. She was wearing a black kurti and leggings, her eyes were red and she dint have the kind of smile which she normally has on herself.
She calmly asked me how my day was, she made me do the therapy schedule. When it was finally time to have lunch she told me that she isnt hungry and asked me to have my lunch alone.
I saw her walking towards the lake which our house has and drove my wheel chair there. I saw her holding a letter close to her heart and crying her eyes out. I got worried looking at her in that condition. She didnt notice my presence when I pulled my wheelchair next to the bench she was seated on, she didnt notice when I pulled myself up by supporting my weight by holding the park bench and slowly dragged myself on to the bench. Thank god that my chair had a facility where we could lock it's wheels which prevented the chair from moving away when I was pulling myself up.
She still had her hands rested on the knees and her head rested on it. Her face was hidden from me but I could hear her sobs. I went and patted her back in a comforting way, she was surprised to see me there and she surprised me when she hugged me, resting her head on my chest, still sobbing continuosly. I got startled by the hug but I ended up hugging her back. I ran my fingers through her silky hair comforting her.
Me: Kalki what happened ? Are you okay ? Why are you crying ?
She didnt answer me at first so I thought I would never get an answer but after a while I heard her reply to the question
Kalki: I lost my parents today a few years back
Her voice was quiet but yet I could still hear it
As soon as she said that fresh tears came out from her eyes and I hugged her tighter then before.
I thought I had problems, I thought my life was over but looking at the amount of pain and hurt she holds beneath herself I felt ashamed of my behaviour towards others to convey the pain, distain and hurt I felt while she held everything inside, smiling and spreading joy to the people around her.
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That day when I held her, pacifying her I knew one thing Kalki is a very special person and I would do anything in my power to make her smile again.
Though I am happy she let me in enough to see her hurt and in pain. I would do anything to replace her sadness to hapiness.
