Eye of the Beholder (Loki Love Story)

Chapter 70 Burden to Bear

I jolt awake, gasping for breath as I sit up, tears rolling down my cheeks. Oh god, Loki, Hope, and I... I feel myself begin to panic when I realise I'm alive. I'm alive and not dead which means was I dreaming? I finally notice my surroundings and I sign in relief, realising where I am. I'm home, in our bedroom, in our bed and I turn to see Loki sleeping peacefully beside me. Unharmed and alive.

Oh thank god, thank god it was just a dream. It was just a dream. I was dreaming and none of that ever happened. My wings did come out, I did escape Kai and he didn't kill me. We stopped him and he didn't kill Loki or take Hope. I beated his arse, got him arrested and he has no doubt been executed by now. It was just a dream and yet it felt so real. It felt so real and I find myself reaching up to rub my neck where he cut it slightly and where Loki healed me. God, it felt so real and I thought for a moment that we... that Loki...

I take a breath, rubbing away the tears as I lay back in bed, moving back to rest in Loki's arms. My head nuzzling in his chest, breathing in his cologne as I hold onto him tightly. He isn't dead, he isn't dead. He's ok and we are together. We are both alive and Hope is safe in the next room. We are safe and we were finally together last night, as a family and as a couple. Which was so great and yet I think I will relax properly when I know he has been executed. When I know he is dead and can't harm us anymore. God, why did it feel so real? I really thought... no we are ok, we are ok. Just got to relax, we are safe and nothing will break us.

Closing my eyes again, I snuggle into Loki's arms with my head on his chest just under his neck with my hands on his chest and back. Holding onto him and not letting him go. He must have felt me move as barely a second later, I feel his hands move from the bed back to my waist and back. Tracing over where my wings come out and going through my hair. His touch makes me relax and rest in his arms. His presence soothing and making me feel safe.

"Mmm, I have missed waking up with my beautiful wife in my arms." He whispers, his hands going through my hair, "Are you awake my angel?"

I nod, nuzzling into his chest and about to open my eyes when I see the images again. The images of us dying flashes before my eyes and my eyes shoot open again. That horrible nightmare still haunting me and I grip Loki tighter. He isn't dead. He isn't dead and yet that horrible imagine won't leave my mind. His body dead on the ground, his skin sickly blue and veiny. His eyes open in pain and his chest unmoving with the knife... the knife and all the blood.

It makes me hold Loki tighter and I know I have nearly lost Loki before. I once thought I saw him die when that horrible ice palace collapsed on him and then I found him, tortured and in pain. But even with those injuries, he never looked anything as bad as that. He never looked so dead and it was horrifying... petrifying. It was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream. No, a horrifying nightmare of a fate we nearly had.

Loki notices my inner distress and holds me tightly, "Katrina, what's wrong? You're holding me so tightly with dare I say a death grip."

"Sorry." I whisper, releasing my hold on him before moving my hands to his chest so I can still touch him.

He rubs my back, knowing something is up, "What's troubling you?"

I make to speak but find myself unable to, not sure I can say even speak the words out loud. It's stupid for me to fear Kai when I know he is probably dead by now but that nightmare, it felt so real and for a second I thought it was. How can I tell him? Can I burden him even more with my fears? Make him suffer more from the guilt? From the guilt that he couldn't have saved me sooner. How can I say I just saw us die in my dream, in my nightmare and I thought I lost him? I thought we all died at Kai's hand and he took Hope? My worst fears come to pass?