Eye of the Beholder (Loki Love Story)

Chapter 3 Blind Freak

The next week or so I fall into a routine where I spend most of my time reading the horrible braille books and listening to audio books. It's ok but I miss reading actual books and doing something other than tracing over dots in books and listening to audiobooks. Most of them are shit apart from Harry Potter and I hate it, not Harry Potter but reading books like this. But it's the only thing I can do apart from listening to the tv with the audio description on. I only leave my room at the moment for dinners where Loki joins me and we chat but it's not for long. He doesn't like to talk too much about his past and I feel too low to talk about mine.

Honestly, I just want to end it all. I want to die and end my suffering. I see no point in living when I can't have a career or enjoy anything that I used to do. I can't have a career as I can't write or experiment in labs like I used to do. Listening to audio books are shit as the voices put you to sleep and I can't read properly. Instead I get these horrible braille books which are weird to read and it ruins the whole point of reading. And I can't see a thing unless I use my freaky magical abilities but all I can see is white lines which shows barely an outline. Plus I cannot use my abilities since I don't know how to use them, just control to a certain extent and I hate them. They have made me a blind freak and I just want to die. I don't care how strong my magic is. I am still blind and weak and I have no idea how to use my powers.

It's another day and I've official had enough with living. I've decided to go to the swimming pool so I can decide whether today is the day or whether I should just mess with my freak abilities. I am tempted to do both so I am. I have already began manipulating the water so it makes the water solid so I can walk across it without sinking or falling into the water.

Taking a breath, I move across the water using my magic to keep it solid before I sit down and pull out the razor I brought with me. If I just let go of my powers right now, I will fall into the water and I could let myself drown. Or I could cut my wrists and then fall, either way I could die and end my suffering. Just die and end my pathetic existence. I hate being blind, I hate my non-existent future and I hate these powers that I don't even know how to use properly. Would anyone care if I let go?

I look at the outline of the blade in my hand and I bring it over my wrist, feeling the temptation and I want to die so badly. I want my suffering to end, no more pain. I can't stand being alive if I have to live like this with nothing to live for and no reason to carry on. I'm weak and blind and pathetic.

I'm about to cut my wrist when a voice speaks up, nearly breaking my concentration, "What the hell are you doing?!!"

Instantly I look up in the direction of the door and I can see the outline of Loki standing there. I'm surprised he is here as he normally spends most of the day in his room but I guess he felt my magic and was curious? But now he has seen me about to kill myself and I have no idea what to say.

I drop the blade, razor landing on the water beside me, "Loki I..." I stop speaking, not sure what to say.

"You have magic?" He asks as he moves closer to the pool, closer to me.

"It's a horrid side effect of the accident, it gave me this... magic. I can control elements, speak telepathically, move things telekinetic and probably more. I can't really use it well." I find myself looking at the razor, knowing where the blade is on it, "Made me a freak. A blind freak."

"Katrina..."

I look at him, "What are you doing here Loki? You never leave your room."

He reaches the edge of the pool, "I could hear your mind screaming out and feel your magic and frankly I was worried. And then I come in here to find you... find you like this... please tell me you weren't going to kill yourself?"