the girl with all of the choices

o n e h u n d r e d s i x

**TW: Mentions of Rape and Self Harm**

8017 words

december twenty-fifth- the other half of my heart is with you

~ Addison ~

I didn't realise how cold it was outside until Tonks wrapped her arms around me and held me. When we eventually stood up, my knapsack still around my shoulders, the wind bit at me harder than my grief. It brought me back to the present, reminding me that although I felt this unimaginable weight in my chest as  I left the shredded pieces of my heart on the ground, I was still alive. I would get to live another day. But I wouldn't get to live another day if I didn't go inside. 

The chilled winter air froze my tears on my cheeks as we turned back to the house. Except, it wasn't the house I was expecting. I had predicted I would see Tonks' cottage, the one she shared with Remus where I had spent the majority of my summer holiday. I had almost completely forgotten that once they left me at Fawn's house, they were going to stay with Andromeda. 

Strangely enough, it was for that reason that I felt as though I was walking to my grave as I approached the door, Tonks' arm around my shoulders above my knapsack. Remus was standing in the doorframe, watching with solemnity as his wife and her apprentice, also known as me, advanced. 

I was undoubtedly a wreck. I was still wearing Draco's jumper, a pair of leggings, a pair of white tennis shoes, and underneath, the purple fuzzy socks that Fawn had given me as my Christmas gift, I had fought against Theo when he attempted to get me off Draco which meant that my hair would be a mess, and on top of that, I had just been sobbing in the freezing cold winter air. 

Christmas. 

It was Christmas. 

The fact became ever more apparent when Remus stepped aside to let us in and I saw the Christmas tree aglow in the sitting room, the same place where Andromeda had been so kind to offer me a glass of wine after the debacle prior to the Battle of the Seven Potters. 

That was when I lost it. My hand flew up to the emerald stone hanging around my neck, holding it close to my chest as the sobs began again. It was Christmas. Earlier this morning, we were all cuddled up under blankets as the snow fell. We were giving gifts. We were together. It wasn't even halfway through the afternoon and we weren't together anymore. We were supposed to make drop scones. I still had a gift to open. I had no idea who it was from. 

It was Christmas and I was away from the people who were closest to me. I was away from my family. I wasn't literally alone, but I was as alone as I could have been. 

I wanted my Mum. I wanted my friends. I wanted my bed in the Room of Requirement, or at least my bed in my dormitory. I wanted Draco.

So, I sobbed. Violently. I almost fell over from how roughly my cries wracked me. Luckily enough, Tonks was right next to me and was able to catch me as I crumbled. 

I couldn't see anything or anyone through my tears, but I heard footsteps and a  voice. "Give her this," Andromeda said gently, her voice quiet. "It's a small dose of Draught of Peace. It'll calm her down without negatively impacting her intellectual capacity, so she'll be able to talk and comprehend what we're saying."

"Remus, can you uncork it?" Tonks asked, repositioning her hold on me. "Thank you. Addie, darling, can you take this? It's Draught of Peace, so it'll help you feel better."

I nodded and extended a shaky hand to take the vial, sniffling in an attempt to stop my tears from falling so I could make it out and successfully take its contents. I eventually mustered up the strength to grasp it and relished in the warm feelings that it provided once it had passed through my lips. It cleared the cloud growing inside of my head and allowed my tears to calm within minutes.