the girl with all of the choices

t w e n t y - f o u r

4141 words

june thirtieth- going home

I woke up this morning feeling unsure of what was to come next. I rolled over and glanced at the clock. 7:30 am. The train left at 11. Breakfast started at 9 and ended at 10 so there would be plenty of time for us to get to the platform. Of course, I was very sure of this schedule. But something was off. I would be going home without my friend. And the thing is, when we come back, he won't be here either. It was all very strange.

I rolled over to the other side and glanced at Erin's bed. She was up, packing clothes into her trunk. Ever since I came back to the dormitory from the hospital wing, she had been acting stranger than usual. She hadn't shown any remorse or sorrow. It was like she couldn't feel the weight of his death.

I decided I should get up and start packing, so that's what I did. I threw all of my clothes into my trunk as quietly as I could. Then I came across a few things.

First, I came across Cedric's Quidditch sweater. Draco washed it and brought it back to me before the funeral yesterday. It had been left up in the Astronomy Tower from the night he died. I folded it nicely before placing it in my trunk, unlike all of the other clothes, haphazardly strewn about the inside.

It still smelled like him. Lemons, laundry detergent, and broom grease, which Cedric used to make sure he wouldn't get splinters from his broom. I had decided to keep it. I'm sure nobody would mind it was missing. Plus, he was my best friend. He wasn't here to hug me anymore, so I needed another thing to do to feel his presence. At least if I wore his sweater I would smell like him.

I only shed a few tears while packing it, which I was proud of. I still hadn't really accepted his death, but how could I? He was murdered. But, Draco had been spending as much time as he could with me since Madam Pomfrey let me go, which was helpful. He didn't hesitate to let me have my space. He didn't pry, or try to make me feel better. He knew I had to hurt, even though it made him sad to let me do so.

I found Draco's jumpers next. I had the Slytherin one he gave me in the Astronomy Tower and his Quidditch sweater. They both smelled like him too. Mint, apples, his cologne, and the hint of thunderstorms that I loved dearly. I knew there was always a reason I loved the rain.

I folded his Quidditch sweater and placed it in my trunk next to Ced's. My boys. My boyfriend and my best friend. The two people who make me feel the most special. And one of them was dead.

Can I still call him my best friend if he's dead?

I didn't dwell on the thought for much longer. I stuffed the Slytherin jumper in my knapsack so I could keep it with me on the train. The thought of not seeing Draco at all this holiday made my skin crawl.

We had talked about it yesterday before the funeral, in the kitchens. After we left the hospital wing, he explained how Snape found out about the Astronomy Tower, so we probably wouldn't be able to go there anymore. It made me sad. I always wanted to show Fawn and Cedric what he had done with the place. I wanted to use it as leverage to explain that he actually did care for me. But I never got to, and now I never will. Anyway, Draco talked about how, since he couldn't apparate yet, and his parents didn't know about us that it would be better if we didn't see each other. Not to mention, we didn't live all that close to each other, so it wasn't feasible that my parents could drive me to see him. Plus, his parents didn't know, so my showing up at his doorstep wasn't exactly ideal. 

I didn't know what I would do without him. We had never gone more than 9 days without seeing each other since we started dating. I couldn't imagine not seeing him for two whole months. It also didn't help that he was the only person who could get me to smile since Cedric, well, you know...