the girl with all of the choices

s i x t y - f i v e

4152 words

december twenty-first- choices

~ Addison ~

"About what?" I queried.

I had completely forgotten about what he wasn't telling me. Everything had been so good. We had been so good. It felt as if I was home when I was with him. 

He was very obviously uncomfortable, shrugging my hands off off him and backing up from me, confirming my suspicions that he meant to confess whatever his secret was. 

"About why I didn't go with you to Slughorn's Christmas Party."

This is the problem? 

"Draco, I really don't care about that."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his face tense with the dread of my clarification.

"I don't care because it's insignificant. Would I have liked to go with you? Yes, but one night apart isn't going to change the whole trajectory of our relationship. We have fourteen days to ourselves and I think that is more than enough time  to make up for last night."

He didn't seem to accept my answer, his hands shoving themselves further into the depths of his pockets. 

"But-"

"You know, I bet I could fit the whole world in my hands," I said, cutting him off. If that was all he wanted to tell me, he was getting all worked up for nothing. 

"That's physically impossible, Addison."

I cupped his face with my hands and brought it closer to mine. I needed him to understand that, although I really did wish I had spent last night with him at Slughorn's party, I didn't care about it. We had all this time together, and I needed him to know just how much I loved him.

"Are you sure about that?"

His eyes were suspended in conflict. Before I could say anything else, my hands were wet with his tears. I brought him in closer towards me, moving my hands from his face so he could bury his head in my neck, the same spot he always chose when he was upset.

We sat there for a few minutes, his sobs wracking his whole body as his tears dampened my shirt.

"It's okay, Draco. Last night meant nothing, and you want to know why? Because I love you."

He suddenly snapped up and walked away from me, muttering under his breath loud enough that I could still hear it.

"Don't say that."

"Don't say what? That last night was inconsequential? Or that I love you?" I asked, my voice tinged with annoyance at his irrational behaviour.

"I said don't fucking say that."

"We are not doing this again," I scolded. "This nonsense with you telling me I can't call you by your name is not happening again in a different form. I'm not going to stop telling you that I love you!"

He picked up a pillow from off of the sofa and threw it at the brick wall, just as he had last month with the bottle of firewhiskey.

"I said don't say that!" he shouted, his voice echoing eerily through the walls. His whole body was heaving with emotion. But what specific emotion he was feeling I couldn't tell. 

I cautiously walked over towards him. "Draco, what's wrong?" I asked quietly.

"What's wrong? You want to know what's fucking wrong?" he asked, his voice growing louder with every word. "What's fucking wrong is that this world is a piece of shit. What's wrong is that my father is so much of a coward that I have to do his bidding. What's wrong is the whole fucking idea of caring whether or not someone has muggles for parents. What's wrong is the fact that you can't possibly love me, that you won't love me anymore, not after this! And what's fucking wrong is that I don't have a fucking choice about it!"