the girl with all of the choices

s i x t e e n

3757 words

~easter break~

april twelfth- goodbyes

Easter was my third favorite time of year, after Christmas and September, first and second respectively. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved staying at Hogwarts, but Easter break was always nice because I got to spend 9 days with my family, away from the drama at school.

Leaving school was harder this year. 

Cedric and I had been friends again for a month, and we quickly fell into our old habits. It was nice to have a best friend again. I didn't want to have to leave him. I wanted to spend every waking minute with him to make up for the time we missed. Except for the minutes that I would spend with Draco, of course. 

Draco and I had talked. I told him how sorry I was for being distant, but that I couldn't imagine my life without Fawn. I also said that if it came down to it, I would choose Fawn over him. I really liked him, but Fawn was my Fawn. He said he understood, but I still felt horrible about it. He told me how he was sorry that he made us not tell anybody. I told him that he didn't make me not tell anyone, that that was a conscious choice that I made, but he didn't accept it. 

He also told me how he was doing, in terms of us. 

Well, we weren't really even an us, but we were in a relationship, I guess. He called me his girlfriend for the first time after the task. Secretly, I loved it, but on the surface, I was much more preoccupied with what this meant for us in regards to everyone else. But then I didn't have friends and barely talked to him, which kind of sent us backward.

He told me about growing up in his house. He didn't have any siblings, so he was very lonely, but at least when he was little his parents would try to do fun things with him every so often. He told me about how he couldn't stop calling me a mudblood in his head, even though he promised me to not say it. I could tell it hurt him, explaining all of this. I told him he didn't have to, but I think he wanted to. His reasoning was that he wanted us to be honest from now on, but I think he just never got to tell anyone his truths. They were dark, but they were his truths. 

I didn't want to leave him, honestly. After Cedric and I became friends again, we got closer. We started going to Hogsmeade again. I didn't want to leave him and have us go back to square one again. Also, I didn't want him to have to go home. His parents never forced him to go home for Christmas, but they always forced him to go home for Easter. I didn't want him to get hurt.

And then, there was Fawn. She was the only reason I wanted to go home. But at the same time, I couldn't imagine not seeing her every day. I was forcing myself to be near her. She might have slapped me, but I still wanted her back. 

I wanted to tell her about the butterflies I felt every time that Draco kissed me. I wanted to tell her about how he was opening up to me. I wanted to tell her the gossip I heard about our mutual friends. I wanted to help her with her Herbology homework since she was always terrible at it. But I couldn't. She wasn't my best friend anymore.

The others and I had made up, for the most part. Matt and I were back to being good friends. He told me after Cedric and I made up that Hannah had told him how I cried every night. I was a little mad at Hannah for sharing that, but it was Matt. Ainsley and I weren't back to 100%, but we were better. Her only rule was that I couldn't talk to her about Draco. Fred started being nice to me again after Ainsley had. It was cute how that happened. I felt bad, I had missed out on so much of the beginning of their relationship.