the girl with all of the choices

t w e n t y - o n e

2838 words

june twenty-fifth- hallucinations

Sleep is pointless. Sleep brings dreams... and nightmares. I would much rather not sleep.

Draco was warm underneath me. I started to count his heartbeats.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6...

My eyes started to flutter shut again. No. You cannot sleep. Focus on Draco.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7...

He moved. God, I hope I didn't wake him.

I closed my eyes to convince him I was still asleep. If he thinks I'm asleep, he'll sleep. He needs to sleep. I need to sleep-

No. No sleep. Think about something else.

His jumper smells like him. It's way too big for me. He just has such goddamn long arms. But they're strong. They hold me nicely. His hands are soft. He smells like apples. And mint. And his cologne. If I could ever get my hands on some of that it would be the best thing ever. Well, the second-best thing ever. The first thing would be Cedric.

Cedric.

No. No. No.

Stop.

Stop thinking about him.

Images of his dead body roared into my brain. No. Stop it. His eyes were open. His pupils dilated. He was pale. He looked cold. No. No, Addison. Get a hold of yourself. They covered him with the sheet because he was dead.

"NO!"

My thoughts had materialized into sound. I opened my eyes, trying to get those images out of my brain, out of my thoughts.

Draco shuddered underneath me at my outburst.

Shit. I woke him up.

"Hey, hey. Are you okay? Is something wrong?" he asked tenderly.

Yes. "No, no. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked again, sitting up so that he could actually look at me.

I never fell asleep. But yeah, I guess. I'm living it. "Yeah," I lied.

I met his gaze. He looked so worried, so concerned. I don't know what I looked like to him. Empty? Broken? Probably. But I didn't want to burden him. Cedric isn't his friend. Wasn't.

He cupped my face in his hands, I'm sure to try to calm me. I offered a small smile in thanks. He brought his lips to my forehead and kissed me.

He pulled away and I met his eyes again. God, I loved his eyes. They were cloudy today, missing their starlike brilliance. I could tell he was hurting for me. The thing was, I didn't even know how to hurt. I was so emotionless. It was weird. For someone who usually feels everything to the max, it was now, of all times, that I forgot how to feel. I just wanted to forget. Forget about yesterday. Push it away.

His hands dropped from my face, so I grabbed his. I gently placed my lips on his. He started to pull back, startled by my actions.

"Addie-"

"Shh, let me kiss you."

I put my lips back on his, trying to feel something, anything. Desperate for emotion, I deepened the kiss. He was barely kissing me back. The first chance he got to pull away, he did.