A Leaf In The Stream Of Creation (His Angel Boy)

Chapter 112: Giving Up Isn't An Option.

~Enzo~

'This is what it's like to be in love with two people at the same time.
This is what it's like to get drunk in a mansion. You will never live here; dont get so comfortable.
This is what its like to live in a house full of antiques. This is what its like to kiss someone until you are no longer sorry you kissed them.
These two people you love, they are two temps doing the same job, separated only by a cubicle wall. They are both trying to fill a hole that wasn't empty in the first place.
You keep calling yourself empty and you're starting to believe it. This is what it's like to smash your friends television. This is what it's like to set fire to the clothes you are wearing.
This is what it's like to turn a suicide note into a paper airplane.
This is what it's like to turn a life full of explanation mark's into a blank page. This is the day you finally reach the cookie jar and find it full of seeds.
This is what it's like to buy the wrong kind of flowers. This is what it's like to read your lover's mail and find they are doing nothing wrong.
Have you ever set a field on fire and called it a birthday candle? Have you ever punished a dog because you trained it wrong? This is what it's like to build a wall in your living room.
This is what it's like to use bricks when you should have used sand.
The one you loved first, you only kiss her through a hole in that wall. You describe the way your body would feel against her hands as though you are an ancient city she will visit one day.
Every night you say it is the last night. This is what it's like to sell your shoes in the desert. This is what it's like to try to fall asleep in a life raft. This is what it's like to say goodnight and mean goodbye.'

- 'you can look' by Neil Hilborn from my personal copy of 'Our Numbered Days'.

~

I had to leave.

I had to leave the bunker, I did it as soon as Leto had come back and I bumped into him outside of their bedroom, I had tried to put a front on and give him some encouragement but I am afraid he saw right through me.

Ugh.

As soon as I knew Freddie would be ok without me for a few days, I waited for a few hours, packed a few things in my bag and then created a portal to anywhere that wasn't here.

Just as I was stepping through my portal I heard a knock on my door, stopping in my tracks I turned back towards the door, knowing in my heart that it was her, knowing if I let her in then I will never leave.

Fighting with myself internally, I gritted my teeth and balled my fists up, forcing myself to turn away, to turn away from the woman I love, to turn away from the thing that is killing me the most.

That's when I heard her.

"Lorenzo?"

Fuck.