Uproar /PJM FF

Chapter 14

They say ' Whoever walks while looking behind his back, is meant to trip and fall'. Whoever has eyes only for the past and loses sight of the present, will feel like a fool for not realizing their mistake sooner. And right that instant you felt like one.

The moment you had met eyes with Lee Byeol that turned out to be the soon to be the fiance of your new boss, your whole mind was consumed by panic. The memories floated in your head like a strong wave, bringing back all the things she used to say, the ways she used to throw things at you while calling you names as you were to walk down the corridors of your then school. Her laughter was still fresh in your ears along with the laughter of many other people around her.

What were the odds of you meeting not one but two people of your past at such a short period of time, countries away from the one you had first met them at? Surely those odds didn't seem as impossible to happen anymore. 

Till some minutes ago, it was something you feared and stressed over, but now -while seating at a chair at this library room that Elle had brought you to, with a cup of coffee and food in front of you which she had also provided for you, in order to enjoy your break time- all you felt was an urge to laugh.

Byeol had just looked at you and gifted you a short greeting, never to look again your way, till she finally got the pass to enter Namjoon's office. She didn't even recognize you. She didn't even look like her old self. She spoke so politely to Elle and even greeted you politely before she left, a different kind of expression on her face from the ones you remembered. 

Throughout all the hours of work that followed after, you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about it, about her, about everything and now, at this moment that you were in comfortable silence, you ended up leaving out a chuckle which made Elle give you a look, wondering what had made you laugh.

"I slurped my coffee loudly, didn't I? I am very sorry. I hate it when I do it, but sometimes unconsciously..." Elle said with an awkward smile hanging at the corner of her lips, thinking that you laughed cause of it.

"Oh, no-no. It wasn't that. I just realized something and it sounded funny." You admitted, now grabbing one of the croissants that were on the plate before you.

"Like what?"

"Well let's just say that I was overthinking something again and I forgot that I am not the same person of the past so even if the same situation occurred to me now, there is no way I will deal with it the same way. I was stressing over something that can't possibly happen the same way again. And even though it was such a simple reality, I got consumed and forgot it and now that I realized it again, I found it funny and silly." You smiled brightly as you spoke, feeling as if you had managed to untie something inside you, that was burdening you.

"Well, if it's to make you seem so much happier, I am glad you realized it, no matter how much time it took you to get there." Her words made your smile falter a bit because you realized one more thing. You had done it again. You had chosen to go through one more thing alone, ignoring anyone who may have wanted to help you, just because you weren't sure if they can handle your emotions or if you had the right to burden someone with whatever may be going on inside you all the time.

This was one of your flaws. The fact that you liked to be there for whoever was that you cared about. You would do anything to help someone that may need help because you have known pain, but because you are not used to others helping back, you find it difficult to accept. Giving comes naturally but receiving somehow leaves you with a million thoughts and a feeling of guilt and debt to someone. Even though surely they don't try to help you in order for you to someday help them back. You didn't have such kinda friends and you were sure of their intentions yet still in your head, exactly because they were dear to you, you would rather not add anything negative on their plates.