Uproar /PJM FF

More than words

Hello everyone
It's me, your author

(And yes this is not an update, but I hope you still stay through it😊)

Today is my birthday and I decided to take the chance and have a talk with you all, and make you understand a bit how much you all mean to me.

I am really good when it comes to describing emotions of book characters but somehow I always fail when it comes to explaining mine so I hope you bare with me and forgive the fact that I will get a bit personal right now.

This year has been pretty difficult for me as I am sure for most of us have, each for a different reason.

There were times I lost myself this year. Times I felt as dead as I used to on some dark days of the past. Times I wanted to stop and disappear. For I am not perfect and no matter how positive I can be, I dive into my thoughts too and fall prey of my depressive side.
I know it's a circle I can't avoid and it will come and go till the day I stop breathing comes and sometimes I convince myself that I have come to terms with the roller coaster and others I starve to change it so bad.

At the end of the day however, I learn each time a bit more about my own self, how I see life from my view point, where I make mistakes and where I let my insecurities consume me. Where I end up expecting from people something they can't give and how I may hurt from it in the process.

I am not absolutely right nor I am absolutely wrong. I am not a villain nor a hero. I am not the good one nor the evil one. I am in the middle of everything someone could think of. Every judgmental measurement this world of ours may have, I never find myself belonging in one side. It's always none or a little bit of both.

I have lost friends this year. Friends I considered important and I have felt lonely before and after that occurrence. And through everything, I understood that there's only one thing in my life, that I love and pour on it, and it doesn't abandon me. And you guessed it, that's writing.

It may sound too much to say but writing is most likely the only reason I have to live. The only thing that gives me comfort and purpose. And with it, come you all. My dear readers.

I am not sure what words to use to express how much you effect me, when you leave a comment, when you say I made you smile, or that my update made your day. Just little things that really come a long way.

You may go after I finish a book, but I will never forget the moments we share. And I hope where you go, in or out of Wattpad, I hope in the times you will need someone, in the times that you may feel lonely, or the times that your insecurities take the best of you. I hope you remember there's someone on Wattpad that won't hesitate to be there for you. Each and every one of you. As long as I can help, I assure you I won't hesitate to do so .

For you make my life better and give me love and support I otherwise would have never known. You make a dull person like me shine. And I often find myself wondering if I am doing enough to give back to you all, for it never feels equal. I really appreciate you all.

A thank you is a mare word. An I love you too. But I wish they could carry the weight of my feelings to you still.

We are all humans, we are meant to hurt and heal, laugh and cry, be bad and good,make mistakes and not. So whenever the times comes you find yourself at wrong, I hope you don't judge yourselves too harshly. You can take responsibility of your actions without the need to torture you for it. We all have our moments, we all have insecurities that can lead us to act a certain way or another. For as long as you recognize and accept your actions as they are truly, you can learn and get better from them. And you can do that without going through the self blaming process we unconsciously all do.

Treat yourself with love, as if you would treat someone else that you care about. Be that best friend to you that no one else can be. Be sad whenever you feel like it, be happy, be mad and angry and petty and selfish but be. Because no matter how we characterize our emotions and label them, they are proof that we are alive. That we are human. So be, all a human is capable to be and feel for we are made to feel.

You aren't too emotional or too soft, nor too empty or too cold.Your kindness is not a weakness and you don't have to be savage and cold to be cool. You are just you. You are just on a step that is part of your humanity and there should not be any reason for us to see anything as less than something else and push ourselves to rush out from something that is part of our identity, just because society deems it in a bad light.

I have encountered this many times, for we somehow think of happiness as the right state someone has to have to be feeling as if his life is worth living. But happiness is not the purpose, understanding is. Happiness is an emotion that can come from the smallest of things till the biggest of events but would you love happiness,if you never understood it?

We can't understand happiness without whatever emotion that follows it after. We can't understand or value a feeling if we only know that one. For if we could only feel happiness all the time,we would be miserable. Because you would laugh when someone dies, hurts,breaks. You would be happy cause that's all you feel but your mind knows you shouldn't be. And at the end you will end up in a well known trap of self loathing, for you can't be, what you are supposed to be.

This life of ours is sure complicated and I definitely won't be the one to unravel it,no matter how much I think or try to connect and justify. I am not meant to figure out life, and neither are you. But we are meant to experience it. All of it. Good and bad.

And I most likely dived deep unnecessarily right now and forgive me for that. My thoughts just carry my sometimes. However I still hope you got a sense of calmness from the fact that we literally don't need to have control over our lives in order to experience good things because just like anything else, it's meant to come.

So don't stress too much when things don't go your way, don't get anxious or fearful for you are lost and don't know what are you doing or where are you heading. It's we that put the measurements of what's successful or not. But in reality we are already doing great. Because we are living.

Smile more, feel more, live more. I hope each and every one of you have a life you can say that you lived it by the end of your days.

I will continue trying my best to write stories that make you happy and comfort you, make you feel included and understood. And I hope we continue making moments and living life together.

I will always be here for each and every one of you, and as much as I can understand you, I will, I much as I can embrace you I will,as much as I can make you feel better, I will.

Thank you for being with me so far and loving me so. In my eyes you made the unlovable me become something I never thought I could be.I sincerely appreciate you more than my words will ever be able to express.

Purple you all now and forever

Your authornim, Liz

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