Uproar /PJM FF

Chapter 59

What is someone's soul made of? What is that makes up who we are as an individual? If we throw away all the ideals of right and wrong, of good and bad, created by our own society. What words could one use to identify themselves?

There are always things we truly believe that we would never do. There are lines, morally correct and virtues we attach ourselves with and make them part of who we are. There are boundaries that keep us under a certain label and characterize us as humans, in the eyes of society, yet those same boundaries, in our own minds, away from anyone's possible judgment, we end up morphing them under our own personal beliefs.

When that happens, there are people that are a harder judge on themselves than society could ever be and there are others that give themselves excuses for their wrongdoings or mare thoughts of those actions that fall under the category that society deems as improper. The world is full of structures we are asked to fit in and it is as full of people that struggle because of that, fail to do so, and lie to others and themselves in order to keep the sweet lie of being accepted.

Did she even want to be considered a good person? There were many times Elle questioned her own self what was the point of this. Why did she hold her true feelings back and made herself a hypocrite which she hated to her bones? Why she always ends up stepping on the principles she has done her best to live by, when it comes to him.

Elle forced her lips to curve to a smile as she walked with a tray in her hands, in Namjoon's office and witnessed again the sight of his girlfriend, seated by his side at the couch. A woman who had come to visit him unexpectedly and had stolen away time from his work and for that she should have been thankful for Namjoon had not let her to even take a seat after Jin had left his office and had reassured her that once she was free to leave work, he would come pick her up.

Just a call was all she had to do and he would be right there, he had told her, yet all she had done was secretly manage to take some pills for her fever for Namjoon had not left her any opening for anything after his departure. Yet despite all that, Elle still found herself feeling unhappy when Byeol showed up. Usually, she doesn't have to witness much of the sight of them being together for after she would get them whatever they will ask for, she was allowed to excuse herself in her desk, but this time, Namjoon had kept her in the room, arranging some more boxes with files she had brought for him.

Hearing her voice calling him endearing names, had her mind thinking of things that wouldn't be considered morally correct if those thoughts were to have been displayed out loud. But she couldn't help her feelings and she became well aware that she was being rather cruel in her mind. It was as if her kindness had drained out of her and was replaced with a poisonous venom that was filling her with the desire to see that woman losing her voice, just so she could never speak of his name that dearly again.

 "Mm! What's this again? Useless! I told you I don't want any milk in it!" Namjoon yelled at her as she left the coffee cup before him, having found something to complain about again, for it was the third time he had made her go and make him another macchiato.

"Baby, what are you talking about? It's not a macchiato is it has no milk in it. You told her to bring a macchiato." Byeol tagged on his sleeve while she pointed out his absurdity then threw a sympathetic gaze towards Elle, which made her feel even more of a bad person than she was already feeling.

That woman whom she had such bitter feelings towards and whose voice was ringing in her ears in a way that made her what to go deaf, was being way more polite and nice to her than the man she had loved most of her life. The moment itself was a huge irony that left her silent once more, bowing her head and staying still for she had no right to move without his order.