the thirteenth doctor & you

doctor i let you go.

there are spoilers for the special (2021)

but my ask box is once again open for requests ! (jonasquinns on tumblr)

i also only take requests from my tumblr.

-x-

It had been almost five hours since Ryan and Graham had left - their goodbye a rather teary one, you knew that you would see them again eventually but there was always something about leaving the TARDIS - it was like you were moving to a completely different country never to be seen again. Going from seeing a person every day for the last two years to nothing was always a shock. The atmosphere in the console room was heavy and sad and the weight of it was pushing down on your chest. You had to get out of there and so your legs carried you all the way to the kitchen, or it could have been TARDIS that guided you to the place where you felt the safest. It wasn't long until you had the kettle on the stove and boiling the water for the tea you desperately needed. You had told the Doctor that you weren't going to leave, that you would follow her forever - but that had been almost a year ago. 10 months changes a person.

With your arms crossed you leant against the kitchen bench, staring intently at the table that was placed in the middle of the room. It was kinda scary at how familiar the kitchen was to you now - maybe the TARDIS took something from your memories, made it look like your childhood home or maybe you had been with the Time Lord for longer than you realised. Teeth gnawed at your lower lip as you tried not to overthink your decision, it was for the best and for your own mental well being. You couldn't keep going the way that you were, being placed in danger, fearing that each adventure could be your last. To be dropped off at home with no indication whether or not she would be coming back or if she was okay. Running for your life had been fun at first but now it was just tiresome. You loved the Doctor you really did but the last year had really changed your perspective.

It wasn't until the kettle started to whistle that you were brought into the present, turning on your heel you picked it up and poured the boiling water into your mug. The calming smell of chamomile filled your senses immediately and you felt your shoulders relax.

"So this is where you ended up." The Doctor's voice entered through one ear and lingered in your brain. You had missed her voice, her energy, the way she could light up an entire room with just one smile. Her smell. Turning around with the mug in your hands, you leant back against the bench once more and let a soft smile cross your lips.

"I had to calm down," You mumbled looking down at the floor then. The Doctor lingered in the doorway before she stepped into the room, you let your gaze lift. "Did you want some?" You gestured to the mug and the Doctor nodded her head, coming to sit down at the table. Her head falling into her hands and a heavy sigh escaped her, it was like her limbs just stopped lifting her body up and she all but fell across the wood.

You placed the mug you had poured for yourself down in front of her before you turned around and poured yourself another. It took you all of fifteen seconds and then you were sitting down next to her. The pair of you sat in silence for what felt like a lifetime - it wasn't uncomfortable but it was far from what it used to be. It was almost like the Doctor knew what you were about to say. So you lingered in your head for a little while longer, wondering where Yaz had gotten off too.

The Doctor eventually lifted her head and ran a hand over her eyes. She looked exhausted - she hid it well, but you knew her better than anyone. You could see the lost look in her eyes and the way that she held herself. You had asked Jack how long she had been gone for but he just gave you a look that told you it was far too long. You knew that she would never tell you, not the details anyway.

"I uh ... I wanna go home...too." Her eyes flickered to yours immediately, the mug of hot tea firmly between her hands now. You swallowed and couldn't keep her gaze, letting your gaze settle on the steam that comes off your own mug - you took a deep breath. "I can't keep..."

"Okay," Was all she said and you winced. Maybe you should have done it when Graham and Ryan were leaving, maybe all three of you leaving at once wouldn't have been so hard on her. But you had promised, you knew that if the Doctor wasn't so old she would have argued with you.

"I have loved every single minute of this," Your grasp tightened on the mug and you weren't even concerned about being burned. "You have taken me to places I couldn't even dream of. The past, a different present - the year 3 billion..." You trailed off lifting your gaze again and realised that the Doctor's hadn't left your face. Heat rushed to your cheeks and you could feel yourself blush. "But ... Being at home," you stumbled over your words then. "I missed my family and I know that I can come by and see them whenever..." It was then that the Doctor finally moved, her hand pulling away from the mug to take your hand in hers. Her shoulders hunched upwards, she trying to shift closer to you and with the added bonus of the warmth from the mug still present on her skin, you couldn't stop the shiver that rushed down your spin.

"It's okay..." She mumbled once more, her smile not remotely matching her eyes. "I've got Yaz," Your head tilted to the side and your lips pulled downwards, you shouldn't be crying - you were making a choice, you didn't HAVE to leave. Your fingers moved to grip onto her hand, you had missed the feeling of her skin against yours and you could have melted into her then and there. "We'll be okay. It's been a while since I've had to look after just one companion. I suppose it will make the trips a bit easier." You couldn't help but bubble out a laugh. "Don't have to worry about you lot getting into trouble."

You leaned forward then (hand letting go of hers), wrapping your arms around her shoulders and resting your head against hers. You felt her hug you back - something she had rarely done in the time you had been together. Her fingers digging into the fabric of your shirt as she pulled you closer. "Oh ..." Your first and last name fell off her lips. "You have been fantastic." Pulling back slightly the Doctor rested her hands on your cheeks. "The most remarkable human being I have ever met." Leaning forward again, the Doctor placed a kiss against your forehead. "You will go on and do such wonderful things."

"I'm sorry," You mumbled as your grip moved to rest on her arms. Nails digging into the fabric of her undershirt. "I'm sorry..." You said again and you felt the Doctor shake her head as she pulled you in once more. You let your headrest against her chest and the double beats of her hearts were comforting.

"Never be sorry." Another kiss against the crown of your head. You couldn't keep following her around, you needed to get back to reality.

You had to let the Doctor go. Even if you finally brewed the perfect cup of tea.