the thirteenth doctor & you

it's not real. (oc!ana)

This had happened once before. Back when the Doctor was in their eleventh body, back when they had to deal with the Dream Lord. It was on the rare occasion that Ana was even with the Time Lord and his companions, she had dealt with so much back on Earth, that spending time away from her Torchwood family would do her the world of good and yet - Ana wished she had never chosen to follow after the madman. The Dream Lord had made them see things, all of them, dreams that weren't real but had felt so very real.

The baby that she had held in her arms had felt so very real. Her baby boy. The son that had been taken from her. And yet, it was just a dream, a dream that had given her everything she had wanted in life. It was now, where they had wandered through the looking glass and stumbled into a reality that appeared to be the exact same - except it was different. The slight cry of a baby is what caused her to separate from the group. Up the stairs of the cabin in the woods instead of down and into a room that held a crib, bathing in the unnaturally bright sunlight.

It was her little girl. The one she had lost a long time ago. The baby that could have been. "Mikaela." Her name left her lips as Ana leaned over and lifted the crying baby into her arms. Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes and her throat tightened as the baby slowed its crying and its large green eyes stared up at her. Chubby hands reached up and patted against her suddenly wet cheek. "Oh, my sweet baby girl." Cradling the baby against her chest, Ana tried to not let herself cry. "You have your father's nose."

"Ana!" It wasn't until the sudden call of her name broke her out of her trance. She had no idea how long she had been standing in front of the crib - or held her baby girl in her arms but when she heard the door behind her swing open, the Australian turned around and spotted the Doctor, brows furrowed and sonic screwdriver in her hands.

And they just stared at each other. Memories of that fateful day, stuck in the TARDIS floating towards a star that was about to go supernova, when in reality it was just a dream as well, but they hadn't known that at the time and ana crying into the Doctor's tweed jacket as her son was ripped from her arms once again.

"It has to be real," Ana mumbled staring down at the baby, who cooed softly and once against wiggled its tiny hands towards her. "This isn't a dream. Doctor, tell me this isn't a dream." The brunette hadn't noticed that the Doctor had almost reached her by the time she looked up, heart beating so loudly in her chest.

The Doctor shook her head as she ran the sonic over the baby in her arms. Same readings as the fake Grace downstairs. "Ana..." She had to be careful, this version of herself was much more attuned to her companion's emotions. "This world ... it's not real." A whined escaped Ana lips, her hand moving to stroke her baby's face. "It's a Solitract." The Doctor, now a hairs breath away from her eldest companion bent slightly so that she could catch her eye. "It's like a kid with chickenpox, only it's on a nuclear scale." That caught Ana's attention and green eyes found hazel. "The rest of the universe can't be near it, so it was banished to another plane of existence, which is this one we're standing in right now." The Time Lord rested a hand against Ana's shoulder. "It's lonely. That's all it is, but in being lonely - it's using the things we love the most to keep us here."

"So let it." Ana's voice cut through the Doctor's speech, hand dropping from Ana's shoulder. Causing the Time Lord to straighten, her brows furrowing even more and swallowing just a tad. Ana looked down at her daughter again, she couldn't make eye contact with the women who had saved her life countless times. "I ... I never got the chance to know her, Doctor." Ana continued. "I have wished so many times that I could have gotten the chance to know my daughter," lifting her eyes, Ana beamed the brightest smile she could muster. "And now ... and now this Solitract is giving me the chance." The Doctor frowned even more then.

"Tanaka, it's not real." Ana swallowed. "The child in your arms is nothing more than made up energy to lure you into staying," Oh she could be so cruel sometimes. "If you stay, you will be stuck with no way back into the real world. The Solitract, though not wanting to harm you, will eventually kill you." The Doctor almost sounded like she was pleading.

"I don't care." Ana defiantly continued. "I lost her once before and I am not about to lose another child." But the Doctor wasn't having any of it.

"What about Ethan, hmm?" The Doctor was digging in now, tongue pressing to the roof of her mouth, as her body leaned closer. "Or Grace. The daughter travelling with her father, but who very much needs her mother more than ever. Lucas and Leah, twins who can look after themselves but would never forgive me if I let anything happen to you." Ana swallowed and looked down at the baby who felt and smelt and seemed so much like Mikaela. "You have them to live for and I am so very sorry that you lost her but Ana ... Bear please, you have so much more to live for."

And it was then that suddenly the child was gone from Ana's arms. The room around them changed and the crib was no longer by her side. Ana swallowed as her arms felt like weights by her side and that her heart was going to explode. "Oh my god," she mumbled to herself. It wasn't long before her whole body was being wrapped up in the presence of the Doctor. Her long arms wrapped around her waist and her hands buried into her hair, pulling her against her person. Ana choked on the sob that was trying to escape as she buried her face into the lilac coat. "I'm so sorry, Bear." She felt the Doctor whisper into her ear. "But I wasn't willing to lose you." Lips pressed against her temple as the two of them held onto each other.

"I know," Ana whispered this time turning her face, she that she leant against her neck. "I know."