the thirteenth doctor & you

you're safe here.

so this prompt has heavy trigger warnings, for domestic violence, abuse and just a shitty partner.

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You don't know whether or not you were mad or just disappointed. You had told the Doctor not to do anything stupid or foolish or just downright insane but that is exactly what had happened. Maybe you were just cynical, maybe you had lived through enough shit that you know when something bad was going to happen, like a gut feeling that everyone seems to dismiss but when the bad thing happens everyone tells you that you were right.

You had suffered enough over the last four years, so when the Doctor dropped into your life, you thought that this was the perfect opportunity to get away from them. And yet - life seemed to always catch up with you and beat you in the ass. You love so deeply and want to make sure that everything is alright and yet, in the end, it's always you that ends up with the black eye or the broken rib or the dislocated shoulder.

You had never shown your bruises or your scars to the others or the Doctor. It wasn't their battle to fight, besides you were on board a flying police box, what did it matter. But it did matter, especially when Yaz had to help you pick out an outfit for one of Marylin Monroe's extravagant birthday parties, the scar that ran from underneath your shoulder blade to the top of your breast was the most noticeable in the dress you wore.

"[y/n], what happened?" she hadn't expected the worst, of course, she wouldn't but when you tried to lie your way through, it became more apparent when Yaz caught a glimpse at your stomach and then your legs. "Jesus, [y/n] who did this to you?" She was a cop, of course, she would be concerned.

You sniffed and shrugged your shoulders. "Nothing, don't worry about it." Your eyes stared at your reflection in the mirror, before they focused on Yaz's figure as she stood from the bed - stepping closer towards you. Flinching ever so slightly when her hand touched the scar, you swallowed and held the dress tighter to your naked body. "Just ... don't say anything to the Doctor." You had mumbled and Yaz looked at you like you had grown another head. "Yasmin, please! She doesn't need to know."

The bed seemed cold, too cold in fact. You were lying next to each other but you felt miles apart. The Doctor rarely sleeps and when she does, it's like it's for an hour and nothing more, you worried about her sometimes. So this, whatever this was had you incredibly worried. You wouldn't think that the punch would have caused much damage - you'd seen the Time Lord lift things that you couldn't even move, she was a lot stronger than she looks and incredibly tougher than the average bear.

Your face scrunched up, what a stupid saying. Sniffing, you buried your head deeper into your pillow. Or maybe it was the Doctor's pillow - you couldn't tell anymore, you had slept in the same bed for so long now, that everything seemed to be one big mess.

She wasn't impressed. Of course, she hadn't been and you had been mad and bitter and pissed at Yaz for dobbing on you like you were kids. Your eyes glared at the copper from across the console - you sat on the floor - arms folded over your chest, of course, she hadn't kept her mouth shut - not when you returned to the TARDIS after a layover with a split lip and you had been limping again. They hadn't been appreciative when you showed up to home after being gone for almost an entire day. You had cursed the Doctor's rather shitty flying skills.

"I'm sorry." The tension in the air seemed to shatter. Her voice was deep and you could tell that she had been stewing in her own head for a while, you wondered if she'd ever spoke to her past selves? Wondered if that's how regeneration works, you're a new person, but the old yous are still in there somewhere.

"'S fine." You mumbled not even bothering to turn around. The Doctor had confronted your lover merely three hours before, it had gotten to a head and the Doctor had followed you out of the TARDIS when the shouting had ensued. She was pissed, you could see it in her eyes and then way her shoulders stayed stiff and the warmth that usually invited everyone in had disappeared.

"Doctor, no it's okay." You had muttered trying to hold her back, hands pressed against her shoulders.

"Who the fuck is this?" They had almost shouted, you could smell the alcohol from here and the Doctor's eyes narrowed. You hadn't seen her this mad before, you had to walk backwards as the Time Lord kept on advancing. "You been screwing this chick?"

"Not now!" You growled out between your clenched teeth, head to turned to look at the mess they were in. Before you quickly turned back to face the Doctor. "Please, Doc - you're going to make it worse." The Time Lord had looked down at you, and her eyes softened ever so slightly ... but they had to open their mouth again. Comment on whether or not you were good in bed or not and that's when all hell broke loose.

You had no idea that the Doctor could lose her temper like that. Maybe it was a part of her that she kept in check, because as soon as you called her name, and after a single punch to the face had caused them to fall to the ground, she softened and her whole body shook...

The coolness between your bodies was beginning to annoy you now, you wanted to roll over and just bury your face into her chest - to hug her to you and never let her go. The only good thing that had happened to you in the last half a decade. But you didn't.

"[y/n]" Your name sounded so soft when the Doctor spoke. Sounded like she loved the way it felt on her lips, so much more than the poison it evoked when they yelled it at you. This time you did look at her, turning your whole body around, so that you were lying on your stomach.

"I had it covered." was what left your lips though you suddenly swallowed and the bruise on your ribs seemed heavy. That was a lie and the Doctor knew it. "I did." Pressure started to build at the back of your eyes. "I really ... did." Resting upon your elbows now, you pushed your face deeper into the pillow. Furrowing your brows, you felt your whole body shake. "I love them." it was mumbled but you knew the Doctor had very good hearing. "I love them so much and I have no idea why they hurt me like this." You had never spoken to another person about this. No other human had heard you come clean.

But then again ... the Doctor wasn't human now was she?

"It's never easy." The Doctor's voice caused you to jump slightly. She was closer, a hand rested lightly against your back. You knew that she had issues with touching others as well - must be something very important if she allowed her fingers to dig into your shirt. The palm of her hand moved and now dug into your back - massaging between your shoulder blades. "You love the person who they used to be. Who they were before they turned on you before any of this happened." Of course, the Doctor knew more than she would say. "But that doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to leave."

A sob wracked through your body, eyes scrunching closed. Delicate fingers pushed some of your hair behind your ear. The space between the two of you didn't feel so ... cold anymore, but you still didn't want to lean on her - you didn't have the strength. So pulling your head away from the pillow you looked at the Doctor, behind a blurry vision, her eyes - that are usually filled with amusement and childlike wonder - held their true look. Of someone who is over 2000 years old and has seen every horror in the universe.

"I ... I can't..." You pulled your body away, touching just reminded you of them too much, you suddenly realised the last time they touched you was when they hurt you. Curling into a ball, you buried yourself into the bed again and it wasn't long until the Doctor pulled her hand from your back. You didn't hear her get up from the bed, but you did feel her press a kiss against your forehead.

"Sleep, [y/n]" The Doctor mumbled. "You're safe here. I promise."

"I know," came your sleepy reply. Maybe the space between you couldn't be breached tonight, but ... maybe you just needed time to heal.