Mean to Me ♡ Larry

3.9

Chapter 39: Portions

Present

Cuddled in Harry's black, band tee-shirt he had stolen that is way too big for him, Louis lays in his childhood bed, wrapped in blankets and unmoving. He had only left the bed to use the bathroom and even then the effort was almost too much for him.

Louis felt numb since he had walked out on Harry. He doesn't know whether he should have or not. At the time, he wanted to give Harry space, but now, he wishes he had stayed and tried to comfort him and explain everything. But he didn't want Harry to think he was excusing his actions. He didn't want sympathy.

He stares emotionlessly at the ground, layered with old carpet. Louis had gotten carpet burn from it too many times, from Stan pushing him to his knees, or wanting him on all fours, or even when he would get frustrated and hit Louis, pushing him down to make the boy smaller and easier to let his anger out on.

Louis' body trembles harshly and his eyes leak tears excessively. He didn't want to be like Stan, he never wanted to hurt anyone. He never wanted to hurt Harry. He never wanted to make the boy cry ever again. But, here Louis is, heart full of pain, worry and guilt knowing he had left Harry alone, when he should have been there to clean up the mess he had caused.

"Louis," Rodney's voice comes from the other side of the door as his fist hits against the wood, rattling it on its rickety hinges. "Can I come in?" Louis whimpers quietly to himself but yells a yes and Rodney pushes open the door.

The older man's smile is warm but filled with worry and Louis' eyes drop to the plate in his uncle's hand. His stomach growls, but he doesn't make a move, punishing himself for what he has done.

"I'm not hungry," Louis whispers when Rodney motions to the food. It was Louis' favourite pasta from when he was younger, that when Rodney was having a good day and wasn't too drunk, he would make for the small boy. Rodney sighs and places it on Louis' drawers before telling the boy to scoot over so he could sit on the bed.

"What's going on, Louis?" Rodney asks, moving his hand to rub at Louis' back when the boy presses his face against the pillow, body jolting with his small cries. "You come back home, crying, as thin as anything. We need to sort this out, okay?"

"I can't," Louis sobs, moving a hand to grip at his pillow, his knuckles turning white. "None of this can be fixed," he tells Rodney, moving his face for the man to see. Red-rimmed eyes and wet, flushed cheeks are the first things his uncle notices, and then it's the hollow cheeks and dark bags under his eyes.

"Just tell me what has happened," Rodney pushes his hands through Louis' hair in an attempt to remove it from his teary face. "If I know what's wrong, I have more of a chance to help you..."

Louis moves to a seated position and wipes his hands over his eyes, leaving them there when the urge to cry hits him again. "I caught Stan fucking someone else," he starts shakily. "In our home, in our bed. I shouldn't have been surprised." Louis grabs the pillow to grip onto and hold to his chest. "I found out my father is dead and he lived in this shitty town for all this time."

Rodney swallows thickly and pulls Louis closer to himself, letting the boy continue to talk with no interruption.

"And, worst of all," Louis shudders, biting harshly at his lip until blood begins to seep from it. "I've lost the boy I have loved since I was fourteen. I-I thought I had a chance, there was a glimmer of hope and now it's gone," he cries loudly and Rodney pulls him into a tight hug. "I d-deserve it," he tries to push away, not wanting to be comforted when he feels he should be ignored or told off. "I'm a screw-up. No wonder my parents didn't want me. No wonder Stan cheated on me. I'm t-too much for people to deal with."

"I want you, Louis. No matter what's on that birth certificate, you're my son. I may be your uncle, but I'm so proud that I am the one who got to raise you. I didn't do it right and I regret not looking after you the way I should have from the start," Rodney wipes a tear from Louis' eyes as the boy looks up at him, blue glistening in the soft sunlight from the window. "I'm here now, though..."

"Thank you," Louis whispers. "I'm sorry I wasn't always the easiest to look after... I'm sorry you got stuck with me."

"Don't apologise. You have no reason to. I'm lucky to have been the one who got you."

A comfortable silence falls between the two, with Louis sniffling and trying not to cry again and Rodney holding him, comforting him.

"Are you eating okay, Louis?" Rodney questions softly and slowly. "I couldn't help but notice how thin you've gotten..." Louis swallows thickly, his breathing halting to a stop before exhaling in a deep breath.

"Yes," he lies.

"Louis... Have you developed an eating disorder? I know you probably aren't comfortable talking about it, but I'd rather have you a little uncountable now than skin and bones next time I see you... Which doesn't look to be far away, if I am honest."

"I don't have a d-disorder," Louis tells him, seeming distant as he stares at the wall. "I just don't eat a lot. I'm not hungry pretty much ever."

It was a lie and Louis knew Rodney knew that. But, every time Louis ate something, Stan's words would play through his head, when he would tell Louis to diet or get the weight off, pinching and slapping at his fat, gagging at it. When he would limit Louis' food intake, making the boy so used of the small portions. Or when Louis would see himself in the mirror, his skin would crawl, knowing how disgusted Stan would be. And then came Harry and Louis couldn't live with having Harry be revolted by his body.

"Are you sure?" Rodney's voice is filled with concern but Louis can't bring himself to tell him the truth.

"I'm sure."

A/N: I'm having trouble writing lately, so I'm sorry this isn't great.

What do you want/think will happen next?

Do you think Louis and Harry will make up before going back to London?

Will Louis still have a job when he gets back?

If you were in Louis' position, what would you do?

If you were in Harry's position, what would you do?

Please leave me your thoughts! X

A little bit of self-promo: myself and my friend @larry_smilinson have created a book called 'It's Your Birthday.' This is the deepest, most detailed book I have ever written and I am super excited to be doing it with Emma. It is posted on my profile and the first chapter will be released on the 31st of January!
On Emma's account, a deleted scenes book for it is posted, which will contain lots of other things, so make sure you check that out as well!
- I've posted some manips on my Instagram ( softlacelarry ) to do with the book, so if you'd like to see the vibe of the book before posted, feel free to check it out! :) xo

Have a great day/night, lovlies!