I've got you babe - Jennifer and Justin (Justifer)

Don't push me away

A few days later Jen and Justin were sat in the doctors office.

"I just feel like.. if I stop breastfeeding I'm giving up"

"You don't have to be ashamed Jennifer. This happens to hundreds of mothers. Rosie is a healthy, happy baby and at four months old it's completely normal for her to stop feeding. Before you know it she'll be on solid foods. You have to take it in your stride and do what's best for mother and baby" The doctor informs her.

"And what about Jen and the pain she's in?" Justin adds.

"I'm going to prescribe you with some cream and I advise that you stop breast feeding immediately. Take care of those sores, you don't want to get them infected. I assure you, your baby is absolutely fine being bottle fed. It will take pressure of your night feeds and you'll be able to split them between you two. It seems as though you're hormones are affecting you Jennifer. I can pass on you onto someone else to talk to and get advice if you wish. Post natal depression is extremely common."

Jen looks at the doctor with wide eyes, shocked at what she's hearing.

"No.. I'm okay. I'm just really tired and emotional. I don't feel depressed" She tries to justify herself and Justin grabs her hand to comfort her.

"You don't have to feel depressed to go through it. I'll hand you these leaflets if you change your mind."

"Thank you doctor" Justin says as they finish the appointment.

The car journey home was relatively quiet. Jen didn't think she was depressed, she put it down to tiredness and her hormones.

Justin tried not to say anything that would upset her. The thought had crossed his mind recently but he didn't want to fuel anything.

"I know I've always been an emotional person but I never knew my hormones would effect me this bad. Being a mother has made me incredibly paranoid and full of constant worry" Jen says as they sit on the couch.

"You worry too much about being the perfect mother Jen. You don't need to. You're doing everything right and even if something goes wrong you know how to fix it. It's all a learning curve. I don't want you to get yourself down. I know your hormones are all over the place and hopefully now you've stopped feeding you might start to feel a little better" Justin carefully answers her.

"I'm really sorry for the way I've been recently. I didn't realise how bad I'd gotten" Jen looks down speaking truthfully.

"You don't have to be sorry babe. I'm here for you. I want you to know you can talk to me. If you need help, I'm here.. if you want time alone, you can, please don't worry about having to be on the ball 24/7. You heard the doctor, you need to look out for yourself too" Justin speaks peacefully, moving next to her and rubbing her thigh.

"I know I need to take a step back and focus on enjoying being a mother rather than causing us all stress. I am sorry though. Parenthood has been a big change for you too and I've just pushed you aside."

"You've done no such thing babe. We're in this as a couple and we're getting by just fine"

They hug briefly, grateful they're opening up to each other.

"I'm not depressed though Justin" Jen says quietly after a while.

He pulls back and looks at her as she continues

"I haven't felt like myself for ages but I'm definitely not depressed I know that. I've been there before and I'm not in that place.. far from it"

"I know babe. I understand" he's careful what to answer and just reassures her. "But if you do start to struggle... talk too me. Don't push me away, I want to help you."

"I will. I'm sorry honey. I don't want you to feel like that" she runs her hand over his legs and lifts her head up to him feeling guilty.

"I love you" he kisses her.

"Thank you for coming with me. I'm glad you were there" she says honestly.

"Always baby" they kiss again and curl up together.

Jen arrived at Court's to pick Rosie up after her doctors appointment.

"You should have spoken to me sweetie. I understand. I've been there with Coco"

"I know.. but to be honest I didn't realise how bad I've been till my spat with Justin the other night. I've never been like that" Jen says after filling Court in with everything that's happened.

"It's normal Jen. Your hormone levels change you more than you could ever know. Being a mother changes you. It takes time to get used to it. Don't worry about it, Justin understands"

"I know, I never realised how much it would change me. And Justin's been so calm and supportive. I think I scared him a little bit"

"It's a big thing for them too. They have to deal with an emotional mother and a newborn. I don't know what's worse" they giggle slightly.

"I know. Poor things"

Jen gets up to get Rosie out of Coco's old crib.

"Thanks for looking after her Court. I didn't want our parents questioning where we were going" Jen says picking up Rosie and walking back to Court.

"Anytime. And if you and Justin need a break, you know we don't mind watching her. You were my backbone when I had Coco. I'm here to do the same" Court hugs her.

"Thank you honey, I love you"

"Love you too" they say their good byes and Jen heads home.